Sick, Slyvia

3

     Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras o baka araw na akong nakahiga at natutulog. Sa unti-unting pagbabalik ng aking malay, tanging ingay ng mga taong nasa silid ang bumungad sa akin. I hear them talking over something pero wala akong lakas para alamin ang mga iyon. All I care is me being tired.

Hindi ko masabi kung saan ako napapagod. Basta ang alam ko ay pagod ako. Maybe because of what happen yesterday. I'm shock about Sophie confessing something to me. I then remember the yesterday.

Sa tingin ko ay hindi pa ako tapos umiyak dahil patuloy ang paglandas ng aking mga luha. Hindi pa ubos ang aking luha sa mga nagdaang araw. Back then, I'm just crying because I'm sick but now, I'm crying over people who doesn't have any good for me.

Literal akong umiiyak ng lumapit sa akin si Sophie. Siguro ay dito na siya nagpalipas ng buong gabi. She look at me attentively as she hold one of my hand.

"I'm sorry about me being insensitive. I'm sorry. Forgive me to forgive myself." Aniya. I heard her sob and she's about to cry hard.

As for my answer, I hold her hand tightly too. We're both crying but I never let go of her. I let her feel the assurance that I'm good and I forgive her. Well, una ay wala naman siyang kasalanan. All the blame from before must stay in the past. Walang sino man ang dapat sisihin ngayon, even me.

Pero sa tingin ko ay hindi naging sapat ang mahigpit kong kapit sa kanya. Dahil hanggang ngayon ay umiiyak pa din si Sophie.

"Please ate Via, talk. Please." Sophie didn't stop crying. She even beg. Mabilis siyang dinaluhan ni Daddy. Afraid to what happen next.

"Hija, you okay? Don't worry about Via, she's good. Look, gising na siya, meaning she's good and doing fine." Daddy hush Sophie.

"Sorry tito. I shouln't have bring about the past. It's all my fault. I'm the one to blame. It was insensitive of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Hindi matigil sa pag-iyak si Sophie. I don't know what to do.

Is that my sign para magsalita? O kailangan ko pa ding maging matigas at manahimik? I don't know what to do. I hate seeing them rosing their hope but I hate to see them hurting more.

Siguro kahit ngayon lang ay gumawa naman ako ng paraan. Siguro oras na talaga para mag-usap usap kami. But before I start my first word, Sophie left my room. She run na para bang sinisisi ko siya. I'm not. Daddy also run to her.

I'm left with Mommy and the doctor. They're still talking about my condition, so I listen.

"Mrs. Velasco that's not good for my patient. Just what I have said, she's given five days left to stay. That was the longest time we calculated for her. We have no other choice but to wait 'til she decide on her own. Let her choose and wait if she talk because I'm sure she can."

Mommy look at me. She have these pleasing look. "How can she talk if she have those apparatus, doctor? I think we should remove those, first."

An apparatus. Something left for me. Something stay for me to live. Without those, I'm dead by now.

Alam ko na ang tinatakbo ng isip nila. Nasasaktan sila pero napapagod na din sila. Nawawalan ng pag-asa tulad ko. Umaasa na lamang ang buhay ko sa mga apparatus na'to. Mommy wants to remove these to stop me from hurting. They decided to let me go.

"You sure Mrs. Velasco? Or we should wait the last remaining two days? You can't take her life back if we decided to end her life by now." The doctor convinced my parents to wait.

I saw my mom crying. "Ayaw naming matapos siya ng ganoon ganoon nalang pero everytime I/we look at her I didn't see anything. Just a plain Slyvia Kare. Napapagod kami pero mas napapagod ang anak namin. Nasasaktan kami pero iba yung sakit na nararamdaman ni Via. Look at her. Look at her." Aniya at sabay turo sa akin.

Nang pareho na silang nakatingin sa akin ay nakapag-desisyon na ako.

"M-m-mo-mmy." Nakumbinsi ko ang aking sarili na magsalita at kausapin sila bago pa mahuli ang lahat.

Kitang-kita ko kung paanong nagulat at natulala si Mommy. Nakita ko kung paanong nagningning ang kanyang mga mata. Pulos luha man pero may kasiyahan.

"Sa-lamat M-mo-mmy. Y-you ta-take care of me for al-almost three ye-years. A-an-and I'm beyond happy." I plaster a small smile.

"You have to live your life to the fullest. Kahit wala na ako. And I'm sorry if I'm le-leaving you guys." I sob. Nararamdaman kong muli ang aking mga luha.

As I try to talk straight, I cough so hard 'til bloods come out. Normal na sa akin ang ganitong eksena noon pero parang kakaiba ngayon.

Magsasalita sana akong muli ng biglang humahangos na pumasok si Daddy. He looks like a freaking hero running from zombie.

"What happen? Where's Sophie?" Ani Mommy.

Dad calm himself. "She left. Hindi ko naabutan. I'm sure she's on her way back to home. Sana ay okay lang si Sophie."

I'm worried sick.

"D-addy. C-all her. P-phon-e ca-call." Pakiusap ko. Pero sa halip ay natahimik silang muli. "Nag-aala-la po a-ko."

Pero parang wala silang narinig. Nanatili silang nakatayo at nakatingin sa akin. Maybe I shock them too much.

I can't take it back. Nagsalita na ako kaya itutuloy-tuloy ko na ito. They must be very happy because atleast we have our spare time to have a long talk. I can confront them. Finally, I can.

Until now ay hindi pa rin sila nagsasalita. Siguro ay natatakot na baka panaginip or worst, last talk na namin ito.

"M-ommy. D-addy. I l-ove you b-oth."

-사랑, 덴니비에.😚