Critique Corner

Trouvaille Fate

Title: Trouvaille Fate
By: ooh-kaye

Ratings: 8.5/10

Title

The title screams sophistication. You manage to think out of the box knowing how uncommon the word "Trouvaille" is. When I first read the title it brings fresh and unconventional atmosphere.

Book Cover

Simple yet pleasing in eyes. But I suggest kung balak mo gumawa ng another option cover is okay lang. Super cute nung cover but please don't be offended medyo nag mukha siyang invitation nung una kong kita but I know you can do more, give us more.

Sypnosis

Your synopsis is written like you are somewhat an accomplished writer already. (When I read this, naisip ko kung kailangan mo pa ba nito kasi amg galing mo na.) It's eye catching and naibigay mo yung gusto mong sabihin sakin. Btw! The synopsis reminds me of one of hollywood movie "Me Before you".

Characterization

You are great in characterizing their feelings, emotion and thoughts like Ileana and then yung pagkakaiba nila ng characteristic hindi na-ko-confuse. Hindi nagbabago yung ugali nila consistent. Like kung tahimik talaga si Phy, hindi rin talaga siya nagiging energetic bigla all through out.

Kudos to you! Ang galing mo pumili ng names and words na gagamitin. Ileana, Les, Phyllus, Wreen.

Dialogue and Deliberation

Like what I have said your writing style is good.

Sa narration na lang siguro, you are so detailed which lacks other story and made your story outstanding but you can always jump on the next scene na importante.

I admire how long your updates are. But again pag hindi na importante siguro ikwento or mabanggit you can jump on na, okay lang na hindi lahat ng ginagawa ni Ileana ikwento.

Over all format (Errors and Typos)

I must say na you impressed me. Malinis na yung format to the point na di ko na alam kung may dapat pang pansinin. Kaya nag focus ako sa Filipino grammar na hindi pa masyado alam ng iba. Pero siguro 'yung rin and din raw at daw na lang 'pag ang kasunod ay vowel (a, e, i, o, u) rin, din pag consonant daw, din. Minsan sa ibang mga chapter na achieved naman hehe.

Wala na talaga masyadong error eh sa grammatical may isa lang ata akong napansin na hindi kapansin pansin, meaning almost perfect na cause I notice how well you used vocabulary in your advantage.

Ang importante ko lang ata na ma-a-advice is to make your paragraph shorter. One thought, one paragraph. Your paragraph are so long and not a lot of readers are fond of that kind of style. Nakakapagod basahin at medyo nakaka hilo pag sobrang haba.

Thoughts about the story:

I really love how care free Ileana is. Na-shi-ship ko na si Kurt and Ileana so please Les galaw galaw na haha.

That's one of the strength of this book, you humor your readers and you let us feel the giddiness.

To be honest, I believe that this story should have known. I hope someday ma-discover nila kung gaano kaganda yung story and kung gaano ka ka-effective.

Chapter nine is deleted? I can't seem to find it. Ang interesting pa naman ng title.

Keep writing!

I know I had praised you so many times but I guess may mga points and errors pa ako na hindi na banggit but I know you'll be better. After all, there's always room for improvement. So keep expressing your heart out through writing. Thanks for sharing your story!