The Breaking Point (Complete)-Shawmila

Silence Is Not The Way

SHAWNS P.O.V

As Hailey and I walk along the outskirts of the lake, I feel like a man walking away from his soul and as I look over my shoulder at the tiny form of Camila turning and walking in the opposite direction I realise that my soul left me a long time ago, the day she stepped on the plane and headed to California.

Thankfully the fight that Hailey had threatened failed to materialize and I'm greatful for that because the look on her face as she walks silently by my side tells me that she's been hurt enough without a public ass kicking to make things worse, I ha e seen Milas temper enough to know there would only ever be one winner of that fight.

As we continue along the beach in the direction of the park I fight every fibre in my body that is telling me to turn around and run back to Camila. I know we both need some time out- time to really think about everything that has been said. So like a condemned man I keep moving one foot in front of the other and I keep my eyes fixed straight ahead, resigned to my fate.

The look of hurt that clung to Haileys face when she caught me holding Camila's hand has brought the reality of everything crashing in around me and as I crawl beneath amongst it all, searching for answers one thing is glaringly obvious, the more answers I get the less clear everything becomes.

I can't believe that after everything I've been through this last year with Camila I was so close to doing to Hailey what my ex-girlfriend had done to me.

The conversation I had spent a year running from had barely begun, the hurt and heat still hung thick between us and all it had taken was for Camila to tell me that her feelings for me hadn't changed and I was immediately teetering on the edge of becoming that guy the one I always said I would never be.  When I took her  hand in mine, it felt just like it always had and everything she had done… all the pain and the anger she had caused just fell away, it was just Shawn and Mila as it had always been, just two kids hopelessly in love, the way it had been ever since we first met, I had wanted her in a way I hadn't realised it possible to want another human being with a heat, a lust, a hatred, I had wanted to take her into my arms there and then and devour her completely

I don't know if I would have had the courage to close the distance between us, to place my lips on hers and release the demon that's been lying dormant in me, the one that whispers her name throughout my being day and night. If I had kissed her, I don't know that I would have ever regretted it and I don't know if I would have ever found it in myself  to stop, but I have a girlfriend and no matter what's going on right now I'm thankful that I didn't cross that line, God knows my spirit is tangled in enough confusion without adding to it .

Haileys sudden appearance threw cold water on any amorous thoughts I may have been having towards Camila and so here we are… Hailey and I, walking silently past the lake and now stepping onto the grass of the city park. I know her silence is guarding a million questions and since today is my self proclaimed 'confrontation day' I decide that silence is not the way…

Coming to a stop by one of the park benches I take a seat but Hailey just stands there looking at me as though I've grown a second head.

She's adjusting to my lack of hair so I ignore the look and ask her to sit down. She looks around for an escape route and seeing the terrified look on her face I'm suddenly aware of the strain this whole drama between Mila and I is putting on her.

Again I'm hit by the guilt that I feel about my treatment of the person who has done nothing but try to save me from myself. Even though her attempts have been in vain I will always be grateful that she cared enough to at least try