The Breaking Point (Complete)-Shawmila

A New Man

Shawn Mendes head flew up from the warmth of this pillow. His heart was pounding in his ears and his face was a mass of brown curls as he attempted to scan his room for signs of danger- everything was still.

Dropping his head back onto the warm spot it had just vacated he closed his eyes and willed sleep to reclaim him.

'Beep! Beep!'

Pushing his dark hair from his face he looked down on the phone that was merrily flashing '1 new msg'

'See you at the track Hailey x' It read

It was only 6am and already she had started

'When did she become so full on?' Shawn asked himself whilst again dropping his head down onto his pillow and the phone onto the floor.

'When did life become so full on?'

Shawn had always been an early riser, as a teenager it had often felt as though there weren't enough hours in the day for everything he wanted to do. Now he had little interest in anything or anyone, other than the cars he raced professionally for his uncle.

He felt warmth he barely remembered as he thought back to early morning guitar practice in his backyard before rushing to change and walking Camila to school.

'Camila…' He physically winced as her name echoed through his mind

'Hu! Camila who?' His eyes darkened as he fought to keep the bitterness from his thoughts.

Sighing deeply he pushed his hair from his eyes once more and then swung his legs out of bed. Standing to stretch he caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror he had propped against some unpacked boxes. As much as Shawn enjoyed having his own apartment he did not enjoy unpacking! …Therefore most of his unpacking had remained unpacked.

This was his first apartment since leaving home… again Shawn winced and again his defences kicked in.

'Home?! Just one more lie you mean!'

Passing more unopened boxes he crossed to the mirror and stared directly into his own face.

He didn't look any different- older perhaps, but wasn't everyone?

Wearing only black track pants with one red stripe down the side of each leg his naked torso revealed how his once slim yet muscular frame had widened with age, as had the dark shadow that now covered his face. Shawn's naturally curly hair hung low covering one light brown eye.

He was an attractive man, he was aware of that now. He had the mobile phone full of girls' numbers to prove it, along with a girlfriend who was becoming more and more possessive by the day.

So, if he didn't look any different then why was Shawn having such difficulty recognising the man staring back at him?

He had changed; he knew without doubt that he had- maybe not on the outside but in the important places… his head and soul!

This past year had brought so many changes, not one of them had he wanted. The life he had built for himself had slowly been dismantled and now he couldn't help but feel that he lived alone in the ruins.

Each loss had been as massive and significant as the other and each one had pushed him further away from the old Shawn and closer to whoever…whatever he had become.

It had all begun with the loss of his first love. Glossy brown hair, dark enough to be black and chocolate eyes filled his thoughts, wrapping themselves around his heart. The pain he still felt was now a source of comfort to Shawn.

'Camila…' Again the familiar ache consumed him and he shook his head as though physically trying to shake her from his thoughts.

The loss of his innocence had been quickly followed by the loss of his identity. The heartbreaking discovery that he had been adopted still felt like a dream he was yet to wake up from. He had struggled to understand it but never fully got there. In the end he felt he had no choice but to leave. Distancing himself from the only parents he had ever known, only he and his sister remained in contact.

Without Camila, and his family in tatters Shawn Mendes had been sure that he couldn't feel any more confused or alone but he'd been wrong because only 2 short weeks ago he'd been hit by loss number 3- the loss of his recording contract. He knew he was to blame, after Camila left him he should have focused his hurt in to music but he didn't, instead he hit the party scene, hitting on every girl he could until eventually he hit a brick wall... With some guys head. That had done it. He'd been fired immediately.

Standing in a bedroom somebody else had painted off-white, he felt finished! And he was only 19 years old!

The former teen heart throb still had his friends around him, but he was undecided as to whether this was making things easier or more difficult…and he had Hailey, again the jury was still out, but something inside of him had changed.

Dragging a hand through his tangled curls he stared into his eyes and saw the part of him he could not recognise- his soul!

Change had come slowly but it was now complete and in place of 'Shawn Mendes every bodies best friend' was a new, temperamental and impulsive man, his eyes burning with fire and fury yet shadowed by untold sadness for things only his soul knew.