The Breaking Point (Complete)-Shawmila

The Troubles Of A Liberated Woman

My name is Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao.

I'm 20 years old and I'm the architect of my own demise.

Okay, I admit it- I'm dramatic. I'm also opinionated, I talk too much, shop too much… or at least that was the old 'Camila'.

My name is Camila Cabello and I was chosen, along side 4 of my closest friends to form a band and compete for international super stardom. It sounds perfect, right? The stuff that dreams are made of but no... It wasn't perfect and my dreams quickly crashed down around me but before that I had to go, had to leave my home, my friends, my... 'him'

Leaving Miami and my family was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but stepping onto that plane and leaving Shawn behind eclipsed it 10 fold.

Let's clear one thing up, Shawn Peter Raul Mendes was my boyfriend, my best friend, my first love he was basically the  most beautiful and perfect human being to ever walk the earth!

At 16 he was my first love and now at 20 he's my only love.

I'd been terrified the day I left Miami. Sitting in Shawns jeep outside the airport I'd felt physically sick at the thought of leaving him- I think in my mind I knew I was losing him. I held him so tight I'd hoped our bodies would merge into one and we would never have to be separated. In-between frantically desperate kisses Shawn had looked deep into my eyes and promised me repeatedly that nothing would change between us. I'd looked into his and begged him repeatedly to promise me that it wouldn't.

We were young, in love for the first time and clinging desperately to the only constant thing in our teenage lives- each other!

I cried for what felt like forever, begging Shawn over and over not to make me go. He'd been close to tears as he held my hands in his and begged me to stay but finally silence and stillness had fallen over us, in our hearts we knew what the right thing to do was.

I kissed him until my lips were sore- trying to capture everything about him and lock it in my heart. The way he looked, tasted…smelt. When I finally exited that jeep I felt as though I had left half of my soul behind, 1 year later I still believe that.

Anyways, teenage angst aside, the fact is- I left, he stayed and our lives began down different paths. My path ended with me meeting some guy who was the complete opposite of Shawn, and for a while I convinced myself that he was exactly what I needed to rid my head, heart and soul of Shawn Mendes for good!

I know it sounds awful but the feeling of loving him and missing him had become like clothing on a drowning woman and it was getting heavier and heavier by the day and slowly but surely it was dragging me under.

So I grabbed onto Lucas as though he were a life raft. I tried everything I could to convince myself that he had saved me from drowning and for that I owed him my life.

This is the point were my life changes forever, because not long after meeting Lucas, Shawn became the recipient of a heartless 'Dear John' letter. I said some really awful things and I'm sure they hurt him deeply but I said what I had to say to make sure that he wouldn't come after me- needless to say, he didn't. In fact I only saw Shawn again for the first time 3 weeks ago.

You see it didn't take long after sending the letter for me to realise that actually, I didn't need saving by anybody! And as a newly liberated women my first order of business was to get rid of the blond buffoon that I had some how landed myself with- A.K.A Lucas.

My second order of business was to fix my hair, put on some lipstick and killer heels and reclaim what was rightfully mine! …

Unfortunately things didn't work out as planned.

I had convinced one of my oldest friends, Niall Horan to drop everything and meet me in Miami. In an attempt to rid me of my 'I'm going to see Shawn again' nerves he took me for a picnic on the beach where we toasted marshmallows and Niall somehow managed to toast his jeans! It wasn't quite the fiery reunion I had been planning but once we were sure the fire was out and he was safe we laughed until we cried, part of me cried with laughter as I thought of how wrong things had gone at the picnic and part of me cried with a pure unadulterated desperation at the thought of 'how wrong' my life had gone in general.

Once we eventually made it home to Coral Gabels it became apparent that I wouldn't be doing any 're-claiming' of anything or anyone. Shawn, it seemed had moved on to his own blond buffoon… a supermodel looking bombshell, in the shape of the sickeningly perfect Hailey Baldwin. Seeing Shawn so happy with another woman had all but killed me so I did what any self-respecting 'liberated woman' would do- I turned and ran! I haven't seen Shawn or Niall since that day.

So this is me, Camila, sitting in my apartment, writing a letter to myself, about myself and yet only just 'wondering' if maybe I'm going mad!

Since leaving the band though something in me has changed. I feel empty… restless- I try to sleep but I have nightmares all night long. I can't leave my apartment at night because I see shadows stalking me down the street, laughing and whispering to me. I'm at the point where I don't know what's real anymore. My brain chatters in constant circles, what might have been, what should have been, what could of been, what can never be.

I can't go on like this!

I need help and I know that Shawn is the only one that can help me, he was my best friend, I trust him with my life!

I know now what I have to do...