Reborn

Convincing

(AN - This is only a short filler-like chapter but I hope you enjoy where this is all going so far - I promise at some point I will add a bit more Az and Nyx smut)

Nyx's POV

I can't believe I just did that. Well I can but that's not the point. I can't help but see a bit of me in Tamlin. The pain, the loss, the anger. The fear.

I think the root of the issues at the Spring Court (other than the fact that they are closest to the wall is that he needs help. He can't run the Court successfully when all he wants to do is shrivel up and hide away from the world.

He has done some terrible things, but haven't we all when we are afraid?

I did terrible things when I was locked away. Terrible things to get me out. Out of the dark, the cages and chains I was put in. I had to become a monster. Or at least my version of one. I'm sure the others would tell me it was a necessary evil but that won't ever make me feel any better.

As I sit back on the floor, my back leaning on the bed I tilt my head to rest on it, grabbing the book that I left there from earlier and pick up where I left off, thinking about what I can do for him. For the son of the man who destroyed me.

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(time-skip)

"Do you want to come out to the Rainbow with me?" Feyre asks, as much as I want to be alone I know that she is only trying to make an effort so I nod in response, accepting her offer. I get up, having finished the book, and go to grab some shoes from the closet. Putting them on I head toward the door and follow her out to the Rainbow.

We have a bit of small talk - which I am terrible at, considering I've never had to actually do any – until she begins to ask about my up and coming trip to the Spring Court.

"Are you ready to leave tomorrow morning?" She asks.

"I don't really have many of my own belongings so I was only going to take a few spare clothes or something. I'm sure I'll be fine though." I reply, knowing that's not entirely what she meant.

"What about the whole seeing Tamlin part, being back in that house?"

Suddenly it's as though I'm back there, weak and scared. The screams. So many screams. So much begging. So much pain.

I blink and I'm back. Walking with Feyre down the street.

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I reiterate. Not knowing what else I could say. If I said no then the others would stop me from going. Would make the decisions for me, like Sandy wanted. But I would not be constricted in any way. Not again. Not ever. I had control of me, for the first time in a long time, I could make decisions about actual things, not just whether it was safe to eat the food or whether now was a good time to try to get out and escape.

Feyre nods, as though she knew what my answer would be but had to ask for Rhys and the others more than anyone else.

"He needs me." I say, "And I need to try to help someone." She looks at me with a small understanding smile on her face.

"His father messed up his life too – sorta – if you think about it." I back-track a little.

"I never thought of it that way, or at least not since before Rhys."

I nod, "No one needs to think about who the villain in their story is, they just accept it until someone questions it. Tamlin just happens to be Rhys' and Rhys happens to be Tamlin's." I shrug, not knowing how else to better explain it.

"Come on, I like this store" Feyre quickly changes the subject and in we go. She goes to talk with the people whilst they all stare at me curiously as I avoid eye contact.

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After wandering around a few different places we made our way back so that I can have a restful night (hopefully) before leaving tomorrow morning to the Spring Court. My first diplomatic mission as 'Daughter of the Night Court'. I quietly chuckle to myself, rubbing my hand through my tangled locks of dark hair, my fingers getting stuck on knots way too often.

I can't believe I chose the Spring Court. I'm never going to be able to sleep. Or eat. Or talk. I'm going to be a complete mess.

No.

No I'm not.

What happened is done, and nothing can be done about it now. He was a child, and his father sure as heck acted like a spoiled one. But they win. They win if I let this get to me. So I won't. I won't let his golden hair and sharp features, so like his fathers, get to me, just as I do not fear darkness, despite being trapped in it for years. It is my home, the dark, the night. I smile to myself as I drift off to sleep, not feeling the need to have dinner, just needing to relax.