Reborn

Tears

Dinner that night was nice, it felt more relaxed than it had the entire time I was there. Whether it was because Lucien still smelt like home or whether it was just because he made Tamlin grin like I had never seen him grin before, I'm not sure. It almost made him attractive. To me at least. I'm sure Feyre thought he was attractive anytime.

Anyway, that's beside the point. The point is that he is happy, for the first time in a long time, he is happy. Which means I get to go home. To see Az. And Sandy too I guess.

The three of us are sat at the table but it almost feels like I'm not meant to be here. The two of them are laughing and telling stories to one another, drinking and eating as though nothing ever happened. I softly smile at them, missing my own family, not that I ever do this with them. I wonder whether this is what it would have been like for me and Rhys. If I hadn't gone, if I'd have grown up in the Night Court, would Rhys and I have only met up for the odd meal where we couldn't stop talking and laughing and smiling. I would love to think that we could do this. But we can't. I can't.

I don't know how to keep conversations going or to keep things light hearted. Here I can but at home they know. They know me but they don't. The only shared memories they have with me was before. After it seems like the only memories are ones with me in the background. Not in the forefront. And I'm okay with that. Or at least I was until I saw Tamlin and Lucien. It makes me remember what I lost. What I never had.

It's the same as when I see Rhys and Feyre. When he comforts her and when she comforts him. I know that Sandy comforts me all the time but will I ever have what they do? Will I ever be able to let people in enough? Will someone make me grin as big as Lucien made Tamlin? I don't even grin like that with Sandy on a good day.

"Have you enjoyed your stay so far?" Lucien asks me, distracting me from my depressing train of thought.

I nod slightly in response, not sure if I truly have or not. Lucien gets up from his seat and comes to stand next to me with his now empty plate in his hands. He grabs my plate and takes half of everything randomly, like he had seen Az and Rhys do to my plate when we were in Velaris. He makes his way back over to his seat whilst Tamlin watches in confusion and begins to eat the food on his plate, continuing the conversation like nothing had happened. I smiled at him and finally, for the first time since I entered the Spring Court, ate.

I knew it was silly but I couldn't trust that the food was safe, that is wasn't drugged in anyway. The only food they gave be was 'bad' and I didn't want to do that again. The conversation goes quiet as Tamlin ignores Lucien to gape over at me. I keep my head down, eating the remainder of the food quietly. Lucien notices though and simply says, "You looked hungry" and shrugs, once again turning the conversation back to himself and Tamlin.

I smile down at my food, grateful for Lucien's help. He's right, I was famished.

After having seconds, thanks to Tamlin who learnt form Lucien and took from my second helpings, I was full. Lucien motioned for me to some over to him as we were leaving the room as opposed to me going to the bedroom I had been staying in.

Once we step outside of the building he stops me and I look over to him in confusion.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing back my family." He smiles down at me, genuine relief shining in his eyes.

"Thank you." I say, causing him to now look at me confused.

"For what?"

"For dinner." I smile at him.

"I hope I didn't overstep. I just remember that that's how the others got you to eat when you were uncomfortable."

"How..." I start, not entirely sure how to phrase my question, or who to point it towards.