Open Hearts Are Broken Hearts [ S.R ]

18. Losing you

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Spencer's eyes shot over to meet you. He could see how puffy your eyes were from crying and the old sweatshirt you had wrapped around you. It wasn't his. All he wanted to do was hold you, comfort you, but he knew how upset you were at him.

"I just need to talk to you," Spencer spit out as he he stepped through the tall grass towards you.

You dropped your arms that were wrapped around you to your sides. "What the hell more could you possibly have to say?"

He could hear just how mad you were at him from those words. He could see the tears forming in your eyes. You were so frustrated with him. He was so frustrated with himself.

"That I love you," Spencer was almost yelling but he wanted you to understand. "That's what I have to say. I love you."

He was searching your face for a reaction but you were completely lost. You couldn't even look at him. You were so confused. Your eyes were wondering across the ground below you as you sorted through your mind for a response.

You finally looked up to meet his eyes. He truly meant it. You could see the fear in his eyes. He was putting it all on the table. Right here. Right now.

You started talking with your hands as your frustration rose, "But why... Why couldn't you say it two days ago?" You started walking towards him. "Why do you love me now but you didn't love me then? You just had to watch me cry over you for two days and give up my dream job and leave the closest thing I have to a family? You had to watch me destroy my own life just to realize you love me?"

You stopped an arms length from him in hopes you had enough distance that your fist couldn't reach his face.

"I need you just to listen for a moment," Spencer said trying to get you to focus.

He stepped closer to you so he could reach for your hand. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him.

"I love you," he said it again to make sure you truly understood. "And I loved you two days ago too. I was just too afraid to say it."

You shot up to look at him. He could see the tears welling in your eyes. "Afraid? You were afraid?" You were completely lost at this point. "What could you possibly been scared of?"

He could hear the frustration in your voice, but he could also hear the pain lacing it.

"Losing you," he said with the same pain lacing his own words. You could see the fear in his eyes. He truly meant it. He was scared of losing you.

He continued on, "I was scared... because open hearts are broken hearts. When I opened my heart, I got broke, so I was too scared to open my heart again."

He was almost whispering, "but i'm fine to get broke again, as long as it's you who's breaking it."

You looked away for a moment as all his words flooded through your mind.

"I just want you to listen to me for a second." He grabbed both your hands and gave them a little squeeze. It brought you back to the night he kissed you.

He'd squeezed your hand to stop your anxious movements. That was the first night he stayed with you. It was the first time he kissed you. That was the start to everything.

You felt the tear fall down your cheek as you brought a hand up to wipe it off.

"The last time I loved someone, I lost her," Spencer continued. You felt the confusion rise on your face as listened to how much it hurt him to say these words.