Fucking emo

Fucking lonely

I washed my hands thoroughly, not bothering to dry them before picking up my phone. He had been casually posting online, sharing a photo of his broken skateboard with the caption "shit happens." It had garnered over 50k likes. He was popular. People loved him, but only from a distance.

Again the thought circled in my head, I could be his friend. I could join him and help him clean up his act. I could touch his body, run my fingers through his hair, and finally see him without his makeup. I could be there for him.

Or I could simply ignore him and start fresh tomorrow.

He continued to be absent from school for weeks, and I felt incredibly lonely.

In school, we were required to attend counseling sessions. It was mandatory to prevent more suicides. They would interrupt our classes randomly and call us out to talk to someone. It felt arbitrary.

Finally, it was my turn.

The woman who greeted me in the room was barely older than a senior. She had blonde hair and made delicate gestures. The room had been converted from a regular classroom, with only her desk and three plastic chairs remaining. It felt strangely empty, and the smell of disinfectant hung in the air. She smiled warmly and seemed kind. It was evident that she was intelligent and could potentially be a friend.

"How is school? How's your life at home? What do you do in your free time? Piano sounds wonderful! Oh, you're new? Are you getting along with people? Being new can be scary. How many schools have you attended? Do you keep in touch with any friends? Why is it difficult for you? What about your parents? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Were you close to him? The pandemic has taken a toll on many of us. You are not alone. Schools are much larger nowadays. When I was your age, our classrooms had only a few dozen students at most. It's important to find someone to talk to. Haha, yes, that's why I'm here. Is there anything you would like to discuss?"

My voice echoed in the empty room as I answered some of her questions. Each response felt significant, and I carefully selected my words.

"No..." I hesitated, and I knew she picked up on it. However, she didn't pressure me. Part of me knew I would never tell her about the emo kid. Another part of me realized I could never ask her if she had spoken to him as well.

"If you find that you can't talk to anyone else, you are always welcome to reach out to me," she said. "You are beautiful, Nicholas."

I think I blushed. It was the first time I had ever received such a compliment.

"And you seem like a deeply caring person," she continued. "Anyone you choose to let into your life would be fortunate to have you as a friend."

☆