DEVOTION - THE WEEPING MONK [PART 2 COMING IN AUGUST 2023]

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

LANCELOT POINT OF VIEW

HE FELT LOST.

This pain within his chest electrified him all over his body. The pull to the darkness is drifting away from him. He knew he had been doing this all for the wrong reasons.  He is lost and confused and needs guidance. Darkness doesn't consume good people, the people that let it are the weakest one. He gulps, in fear. When he looked at her. All he wanted to do is ignore her and wish she could leave him alone. Every inch of the woods, he smells her, he sees her in his thoughts. Her words. Her silver hair, her eyes. She is different. She is a Viking but a Fey as well. They're a lot alike, he wishes he never met her. Meeting Gwen had changed his life; he didn't want that to happen.

The pain hurts too much. He refused to give himself to temptation. He must not do it. He can't. Doing this will haunt him forever. It ain't in favor, it hurts. He is breaking down painful memories of his past, he wished he never occurred. He shakes his head refusing to feel or see those thoughts. He can't remember them. He can't remember her. It's breaking him. It's breaking him tiny pieces.

He was not a stranger to loneliness, he embraced. The whispers carried on exposing him to emotions he thought he will never feel, love, and pain. He didn't expect to learn about these emotions, not now to ever. Every time he does it's breaking his heart. He can't take it anymore. He is slowly feeling more pain each day just seeing her. Gwen. Gwen.

Then he met her. Her escape rattled him further. Then he began to hear her in his thoughts. He reached out to her, and in a breath he saw her. He felt the connection grow the closer. He felt her happiness merging with his own. He was glad it was happening but he knew it would be a different level to him.

He sits on the bed inside the tent thinking. "I've been forced to choose destiny and love. I'll feel myself drifting from my ideals. I can't feel, I feel pain everywhere." He says to himself staring at a cross in front of him. He sighed. He winces in pain when he loves because of the scars on his entire back. Suddenly Father Carden entered.

"You ignore my summons." He spoke sternly, staring at him.

"His Grace. I cannot feel it. I call out to him...

I reach out, and there is only darkness." He paused using his raspy voice to continue.

"You are the avenging sword of light in a pitched battle against the Lord of Darkness." Father Carden admitted.

"Did you think that you could escape his touch? His corruption? The beast does not tear the flesh, it tears the soul." The weeping monk lowered his head losing all hope. "Do you love me father?" Father Carden looks at him and doesn't say anything showing a blank expression.

"Of course I do."

"Even if I am damned?" He proceeded to speak.

"Those are dangerous words. Why are you saying this?" He questioned. He gulps, "A pull to light has been switched on me. I don't know when or why it has been. It's because of her." He admitted slowly watching as his facial expression turned stern.

"Are you saying you have grown feelings for the Viking girl?" He replied, frustrated. He didn't look up, simply didn't answer, lowering himself in pain. He groaned holding his head unsure what to do. He didn't want to disappoint him but he couldn't ignore these feelings anymore. It's hurting him, slowly and painfully.

"We will speak of this one last time. Whatever you have growing inside of you for her must be eliminated. How could you have simply grown fond of her? It's not sane. She is Fey. You were demon-born. An abomination in the eyes of God. You can never be loved by her. Listen to me, she would never love you. Remember who I am! I spared you from the fire because you could sense your own kind. I gave you scripture. I gave you discipline. I forged you into one of our sharpest blades. I turned you against your Maker. And I laid the first brick on your road to salvation. But I cannot walk the road for you, my son. I cannot save you from the flames." He paused then continued. "You have to have the will to do what is necessary. Do you have the will, my son?"

"Yes, Father." He replied, weakly.  "Then we shall not speak of this again." Father Carden responded leaving him in pain, sorrow and regret.

He now knew what he had to do.