You're Still Perfect

Chapter 2 - Boot Camp

We were both moving on so we had the weeks of Boot Camp together. Boot Camp was where we would get to know what it would be like when we got farther in the shows. It's hours a day working with groups of people dancing, singing, and talking. It was the best couple of weeks I've ever had. When we had our breaks Harry and I would hang out together and get to know each other. We would have lunch everyday. I kinda thought of it as like our first miny dates. I kinda hoped he thought the same way. I felt like the crush was mutual, but I wasn't sure and I was too scared to make a move or say anything. We would talk on and on. Even after we would text and call for hours after the day was done. We couldn't stand not seeing each other let alone not talking for more than a day. When I would have a bad day Harry was always there. Talking to Harry felt like coming up for a breath of fresh air after drowning all day. Harry would just listen to me. He wouldn't try to tell me "oh it wasn't that bad". He would just try to see if there was anything he could do to help me feel any better. He would always do one thing that always made me feel better. He would give me one of those hugs where me pressed me into him and would kiss me on the forehead. When he kissed me on the forehead for the first time, I couldn't believe it, I couldn't even put it into words how I felt. I didn't know what it meant, did it mean he liked me? I was still too scared to make any moves on him. Those always made me feel better because I guess it made me feel like I was safe. It made the rest of the world just disappear.

I had told my mum the first day of boot camp that I had met a boy. He wasn't just a boy though. I told her that there was something special about him. Something I had never seen in anyone else before. I don't know if it was his eyes, or if it was the way he smiled or if it was his accent. Maybe it was something deep down down that I knew, but at the same time I didn't know. My mum met him the same day I did, but she didn't know what I knew him too. She said that he was one of a kind. She knew even before I did. She could tell that I had a crush on him when I started talking to him.

"Honey, he has a crush on you too" she cut me off when she said that. I could feel my cheeks get warm and red. "He likes you, make a move, Honey, I promise he will go right into you."

I always looked up to my mum. She was the most dedicated, selfless, caring, and fearless person I had known. She was brave and she was strong. She never let anything get to her. Sadly she had passed away from cancer. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had looked up to her my whole life. I am never going to be as strong or as selfless or as caring and kind as she ever was. I will always love her and I know she will always be there for me. She told me that it's okay to love him. She told me to never hide who I truly was no matter what anyone told me. She reminded me that she loved me no matter what and nothing could ever change that. She told me that Harry was special. He really was. She told me that she had sorta figured it out, that I had a crush on him, before I had told her because I would light up whenever he texted me. She told me that she had never seen me so happy before. She could see it in my eyes that I was in love with someone really special. She told me that late at night she could hear me through the walls talking to him.

It was the final week of boot camp, this was where we would prepare a performance to move on to the Judges House. I didn't make it. I was devastated. It was gut retching, it was really hard. What was even worse was Harry didn't make it either. It was even harder for me to see him like that. It didn't matter what I felt all I wanted was for Harry to be okay. I went over to him and I told him it was going to be okay. I told him that at least he thought you were good enough to move on in the first place. I hugged him for a while. I held him as he cried in my arms. It was incredibly hard for me to see him like that. It was painful; to hold him in my arms and feel him break down over something that meant so much to him. Having him wipe his tears on my sweater was one of the hardest things I've ever had to watch. Just to feel him take heavy breaths broke me. I just kept holding him tighter. All I wanted to do was make him feel safe and loved. We sat down and just relaxed for a bit. I brought him back to the dressing area and we sat on the couch for a little bit before heading back out to talk to Simon. I sat down and he sat and laid his head on my lap. I took off my sweater and laid it over him. I rubbed my hand up and down his side and ran my hand through his brown curly hair. I did that until he felt like he was ready to go talk to Simon. I think he needed that the most, he didn't want his family to see him like this. It was hard for me to have to do that. I didn't like seeing the people that I love hurt that bad. 10 minutes after we were told we weren't going to make it Simon pulled me, Harry and 3 other guys named Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and Zayn Malik. Little did I know they would become my best friends and like a second family to me.

After he pulled us aside there was another group on the stage that consisted of 4 women who selected just like us. Simon told us all that we would be put in a group and we would move on together as a group to the Judges House. We were so shocked. I jumped straight into Harry's arms! We were so overjoyed it was crazy. But, there was one thing... we didn't know ANYTHING about each other except for me and Harry. Me and Harry were the only ones who knew each other. Otherwise we were just 5 random boys. The other boys don't even know that we are gay, let alone in a relationship.