Silent Rant

Takut or Ego?

You know, since i failed in love many2 times, and one of the epic fail dah diabadikan dalam cerita N.A.D, I always rasa takut to show my true feelings. If I like someone, if I have a crush on them, if I'm in the process of kenal2.

Like takut sangat2. Takut nak beriya show feelings, sebab it always ended up dengan I kena tinggal. 😂 Due to ego, I always cakap dengan orang2 ni, "kau nak tinggal aku, then tinggallah. Aku tak takut kena tinggal and aku tak kan rayu kau." But deep down, I always wish that they never leave me.

No matter how ego I am, I'm still a human being, with feeling. Although most of the time, I'm having trouble to express it.

Recently, I get to know this one Assistant Engineer. Borak2 then I think I kinda like him. So I make the relationship more serious. With the intention to get life partner lah. Then, something was off. Like he didn't share his phone number, we only chat in Telegram apps, he didn't revealed much about himself.

And suddenly, boom. He's gone. Hilang. Macam tak pernah wujud atas dunia, so I was devastated. I'm like, "Ya Allah, I'm tired to start the process of kenal2 with other people." Why it always come back to square one?

But then, who am I to complain? This is all His plans. I just have to accept it and move forward. Ada jodoh, adalah. Takde, aku amik anak angkat, susukan and besarkan. But just the thought of it already break my heart and brung tears to my eyes.

I look tough on the outside, but I'm actually a cry baby 😭 hahahha but it feel good to write again. I can pour out my feelings freely. Thus, dua update in a single night 😂 and its getting late. I'm working tomorrow.

So, gtg. Byeeeee.