if it 𝙞𝙨𝙣'𝙩 love? | A new edition story

since i dont have you

I heard echoes of y/ns laugh. You cried walking in. You looked at the couch in the living room and saw you guys cuddling and laughing on the couch. You walk into the kitchen and had flashbacks of her of her singing and dancing in the kitchen with you. You walked upstairs and you didn't even wanna walk in the bedroom. You bite your lip and open the door. She was alive last time she was here. Flashbacks of you cuddling on the bed. You laughing with her as you were trying to turn her on. Her vanity mirror where she would do her makeup. She never needed it. You walk into her closet. Her closet it huge. It smells just like her. When I saw flashes of her it was like she was here doing her normal things. You heard her laugh and her voice singing it scared you. Flashes of her ran through your mind as you heard her talking "hey baby don't you wanna come with me? All you gotta do is get shot and you'll be with me" you knew that wasn't her. She would never say that it was just your mind. You ran out of the house it was 2am and you just ran out trying to forget everything as tears were streaming down your face. You ran to ronnies house as you banged on his door crying he opened the door as he was crying too. "I cant I can't do this I can't it's so hard for me I hear her laugh in my house. I hear her saying bad things like I should die too and I'll be with her. She would never say that" I say crying as Ronnie hugs me and I cry into him as he cries too. "I know man." His voice cracks from the amount of tears he's loosing and pain we both in. He let me stay in his house and comforted me while we cried.

The next day;
I went back to our house the next day. Alone. I have to get through this. I walked in as I looked in the mirror that was by the door. I saw y/n wrapped around me and kissing my neck telling me how much she loves me I immediately looked away. "It's all in your head Biv" I say walking away tears dripping from my eyes as I walk upstairs "babeee" I look up and saw y/n she was in a white lingerie set as she was winking at me. "What the fuck" I whisper to myself stepping back "baby I heard you had a bad day in the studio how bout you come relax. I ran a bath for you. Perfect for for both us then after I could your own personal show for you" she says winking and I shake my head and she was gone. "God I love everything about you. Your so damn fine and soo attractive I'm so glad I call you my husband" I hear from behind me "too bad our relationship didn't last" I hear from behind me and I don't even bother looking for her because I know it's all in my head. I cry into the floor "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS" I yell in stress and agony and crying. "I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN I FEEL SO WEAK I AM HURTING SO MUCH" I yell again as the sound echo through the house "ITS MY MIND PLAYING TRICKS ON ME SHES NOT FUCKING HERE" I say punching a wall as my fist goes right through the wall easily "PLEASE LORD GIVE ME BACK MY WIFE" I yell again. I run into the room to cry into the pillow. Yelling in pain. "I just want her back. I'll never ever get her back" I say to myself then my phone rings I sigh as I go pick it up and I hear Bobby crying. Bobby brown barely cries. "Please stay on th-the line with me please I know your hurting so so damn bad right now but please talk to me about anything other than...her. Please" he says as I wipe my tears. We talk about the heartbreak tour and when he would open up for us and the stories about the tour. It really helped for both of us.

2 weeks later
I'm getting ready for y/ns funeral. This has to be the hardest thing ever. I wore a black suit with a white tie and black shoes. I walk in her closet and I put on one of her white bracelets. I made sure I wore my wedding ring. I cry in the mirror. I cant believe the girl I fell in love with died. It's been so hard. So fucking hard. I'm always crying. I'm having trouble eating. I've been hearing her voice. Hearing her laughs echo. Seeing flashing images of her. I cry and cry. Till Ronnie comes in. "Michael a lot of people are at the funeral service and I didn't see you. I knew you were here" "man it's so hard. It's so hard. I don't have a point of living." "Biv don't say that. Y/n would never ever want you to say that. She may be gone but she's always with you. Hell this is her house. She's always gonna be here with you and watching over you." Ronnie says hugging you and you sniffle. "Mhm Yea your right thank you man." " no problem let's go" Ronnie says as you get in his car and drive to the funeral and paparazzi was there as you groan. "Man the biggest female hip hop star in music died what do you expect" "Yea okay lets go quick" you say getting out of the car. "HER HUSBAND AND EX BOYFRIEND!" Paparazzi yells and practically sprints over to you guys and blocked us and microphones were shoved in our face with cameras. You try to move out of the crowd but nothing. "HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOOSE SOMEONE AS BIG AS YOUR WIFE?" "CELEBERTIES HOTTEST COUPLE IS GONE FOREVER HOW DO YOU FEEL" "CAN YOU STOP" Ronnie yells "BIV LOST HIS FUCKING WIFE. THE ONLY WOMAN HE THOUGHT ABOUT AND YOU COME UP OVER HERE HE DONT EVEN WANNA BE HERE HE WANTS HIS WIFE BACK LEAVE US ALONE" Ronnie yells as everyone moves "some dumbass idiots" Ronnie says "Thanks ron" "no problem Biv" we walk into the service and everyone saw who you were and stands up and you bit your lip in tears walking up to her casket. She had a pink glittery casket. You didn't want it to look boring. She hated boring. She looked beautiful. She wore this pink fluffy dress. Something she would wear. She had makeup on. Her shimmery eyeshadow and gloss. You stood over her dead body. Never ever thinking this would happen. "I'm gonna get justice for you baby. I'm gonna find out who the hell shot you and I swear to god they are gonna be locked up. " I whisper It was so quiet in the room. You felt like everyone was staring at you. You bent down and kissed her. Hoping something would happen but no. Her lips are so soft. So perfect. You stared at her and grabbed her hand to hold it. Her ring was on which made you cry harder. You collapsed to the ground from crying as Bobby grabes you and takes you to another room so you could cry. He was also crying you heard him. "I LOVE HER I DONT WANNA LET GO I LOVE HER SO MUCH SO SO MUCH." You say punching a wall and Bobby hugs you as you cry and all the other fellas walk into the room and grief with you. No talking just tears

"Your turn mike close this" Ralph says sitting down. I sigh and walk up to the podium and clear my throat. "Y/n do you wanna play basketball? Y/n you really pretty. Y/n is it okay if I kiss you? Y/n I like you. Y/n will you go out with me? Y/n I love you. Y/n would you become my wife? Y/n I'm so happy to call you my wife. Y/n why would you do this to me? Y/n why would you leave me when all I did was love you? Leave me when I need you. Your my everything and you always will. Last night I sat in bed thinking about what to say. I could talk about her for the rest of my life but the way I loved her as she was in my presence is a feeling I will never ever feel again. I blame myself so much. If I was with her she would've been okay. Now I lost my girl. I love her so so much. I still love her always have always will. I will never take for granted the countless memories-" I started breaking down just seeing flashes of her in your head and her voice ring through your ears. "Why god? Why my wife. My baby. My girl. MY WIFE IS GONE. SHE WAS SHOT AND NOBODY FOUND WHO WAS IT. I will never ever love again." I say crying chocking on my words I look back at her in the casket take her hand and put the engagement ring on her and kiss her hand. "My baby" I say crying kneeling next to her casket crying and I run out. I run and run and run tears streaming down my face. "ITS ALL MY FAULT ITS ALL MY FAULT" You yell running in alley. Flashes of y/n go through your head. "No it's not baby" you heard her voice whispering in your ear. You turn around nothing. Her beautiful laughter filled the air which made you smile. "Y/n? Baby? ARE YOU ALIVE" you yell looking around and no response. You sit and the alley and cry. How did i not run out of tears. A dove flew to you a love bird. It sat on your leg and flew away. You smile something y/n sent. You walk back to the funeral. You hear y/ns music everywhere and her photos of everywhere. Tributes to her. Her death wasn't easy on the world either. You walk into a store that had you and y/n on a magizine you never seen this photo and it was labeled "Celebrities hottest couple put on rest" . You bought the magazine and 3 of her cassettes and you play it on your Walkman. Dancing and singing in the street it used to be me and y/ns thing but now it's just me. You walk back in "BIV" Ricky says standing up. "Yo where you been?" Bobby asks "I needed air and I bought 3 of y/ns album even though I already have 20 copies of it and this magazine that has me and her on the cover. You say pulling it out "y/n and I were such a cute couple" I say biting my lip as my eyes watered. I was just in a good mood.  "I will never ever move on. Never ever. God I love her so much" "we know how much you loved her mike" Ralph says "yea trust us we know" Johnny says "Couldn't go a day without talking about her" "and I still can't. She's my wife. " you say