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Chapter 6

My job at the bowling alley didn't last very long. I think my dad figured out that it was the only place all of the single guys had to go on the weekends.

There are guys on base that aren't allowed to leave. I forget exactly why but there was definitely a name for them on base. Every weekend they blow money at the clothing store, which was basically like a military Macy's, the electronic store and then there was a movie theatre and a Bowling alley right next to it. Because that's all they could do. Most of these guys were horn dogs as well, so they'd hit on pretty much anything with a vagina that didn't wear a wedding ring lol.

Anyway, my dad had me transfer to the clothing store being that the bowling alley stayed open late, played secular music and served beer.
Working at the clothing store was boring but chill and I made friends again of course. During this time my home life still sucked. When I was at home my anxiety was so bad I wouldn't come out of my room. And I say my room but it was my step moms craft room with a bed for me to sleep in. I didn't feel welcome in the living room when they watched tv and movies because if I wasn't eating a meal or doing chores my step mom would walk around sighing loud as fuck. Or would get up and do random shit cleaning wise. I don't know how else to explain it but it felt like, why are you out here vibes. Like my presence disturbed her peace. She would not sit down and relax when I was present & just existing in the same room seemingly enjoying myself.

There a came a point when they decided I needed to join the military. And honestly I was all for it. I would have rather been in a war zone than in their house. My first choice was the Marine Corps because they didn't think I could handle it. They took me to the recruiters office, we talked and they had me do an ASVAB practice test. I bombed the math part of course so the next couple of weeks my step mom would drop me off at the library to study the ASVAB book. I also wasn't allowed to be home alone anymore at this point. Anytime they did anything I was dropped off at the library, sometimes for hours.

I would be stuck there for so long I not only studied but I completed the entire Harry Potter series (well the part of the series that was released it wasn't completed back then) which wasn't allowed in our house. I fell in love with it. Harry reminded me so much of myself.
There was a book shelf my step mom kept in her craft room where I slept & she made it known that that was my entertainment. They were all Christian books of course. My favorite was this one👇🏼 because I would literally debate the author in my head over their biased mind control bullshit 🙄

Back tracking for a second, I remember one Christmas when I was in junior high my little brother got all of the books that were released at the time and him and our cousin were glued to them for days. But then we found Jesus and Harry Potter got permanently shelved. We were allowed to read the hobbit and lord of the rings though 🤔••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

With that said; I'm trying so hard to remember what happened on this day but I can't. I can only assume it was a general run of the mill petty ass argument over me doing something insignificant because that was the pattern for over a decade. Safe assumption you feel me?
I was at work and my step mom showed up, I feel like it was either because she found out I had gotten onto MySpace to reach my friends in Monterey, or found some texts in my phone that they monitored. I cannot remember exactly.
But it was the day before I had a PT test with the Marine recruiter & they had also given me the date I would go to boot camp after I signed my life over, which I hadn't yet. Anyway, she came to my work and got in my face, she was livid. I do remember her saying that they were doing something at church and I needed to find my own way home. Our housing area was a good 15 miles from the shopping center.
I remember having an anxiety attack because I knew she was going to keep me up all night interrogating and wanting to argue which was also a common occurrence since junior high, hence my stress ulcer I developed in 6th grade.
I remember the feeling of complete hopelessness and I knew that I could NOT do this shit for a single day more. I borrowed a friend from works cell phone because she took mine when she came up there. I called a friend of mine in Monterey. She was older than me, was married and had 2 kids. Her husband was in the Army I believe and was stationed overseas at the time. Anyway, we were friends but she was like a motherly figure to me when we worked together at Target. I called her because she told me if I ever needed her she would be there. She literally got off of work at 10:30 pm and drove all night to come and get me. It was about a 7 hour drive.
My next call was to my only friend in So Cal from church that knew what was up with my home life. She picked me up from work and we went by my parents house and loaded up all of my stuff that we could. I stayed at her house until my friend from Monterey picked me up and took me back to Nor. Cal.