brighter gold || pansy parkinson

VII: Love Is The Way Of Pain

Hermione found it very easy to remember the way Pansy felt. The way her tongue wrapped around her own, the way her fingers caressed her bronze skin, everything. Pansy found herself in the same situation, only she felt worse about the ordeal. She believed she had taken advantage of the curly haired girl, she had been completely and utterly vulnerable and Pansy knew that, but did it anyway. If the Slytherin didn't hate herself before, she definitely did then.

Pansy couldn't take the guilt anymore and decided to confide in Draco, the expert on vulnerability, it seemed. She had been there for him when he showed up on her doorstep at three in the morning, eyes red and open scratch marks on his arm, drug across the Dark Mark. He thought he had seen it move. After cleaning the wounds, she let him cry on her shoulder for hours. Draco had let out the most pained, strangled sobs Pansy had ever heard in her life.

"Draco," Pansy began. When he looked up, a confused and slightly concerned look appeared on his face.

"Yes, Parkinson?" He found comfort in sticking to last names, even when it came to his friends. That, he could control.

"I fucked Hermione Granger last night." She was blunt and quiet, almost ashamed.

The blonde did a double take at the news, but only answered with, "Ok?"

Pansy took her lip in between her teeth, the shakes starting, "I think I took advantage of her. She wanted it but she was upset before. Granger just broke up with Weasley, and the war...It's just...this guilty feeling is weighing on my chest and it hurts, Draco."

He pulled her into a hug, something he would have never done before. As he rubbed the brunette's back, he tried to steady her shaking body. Draco shushed his friend as her tears fell onto his robes. He didn't care and neither did she. When Theodore and Blaize walked in, they didn't question the intimate action. They had all had their moments like the one Pansy was in, crying to the point of silence. None of the teens could remember a moment during or after the war where they weren't sobbing or silent.

Hermione, on the other hand, was beaming with pride, a distinct contrast in the late night lovers. She smiled as she sought out the dark haired Slytherin in the crowd of people in the Great Hall. When she saw her, she almost yelled out for her. Her action was only halted when she saw the redness surrounding the short haired girl's eyes and nose. Pansy had been crying. This made Hermione upset, who had hurt her Pansy?

"Pansy?" Hermione reached for her lover when she got close enough, but said Slytherin back away, in what seemed to be fear.

"G-Granger...I'm sorry, it's my fault," her words were quick and she stumbled over them, like cracks in a sidewalk. More tears fell from her almond-shaped eyes as she briskly walked away from the opposing Gryffindor.

"She feels guilty about last night, Granger. Don't take it personally, Parkinson's not one for 'feelings'," Draco said hoarsely, like he had also been crying, as he passed by. Then, Hermione was angry.

Was Pansy already regretting being with her? Had she done something wrong? These questions swirled in Hermione's head for the remainder of the day, a constant reminder that she might never find happiness with anyone. Her fear of rejection creeped back into her brain, flitting between her trauma from the war and the emptiness she felt from the situation with her parents.

After all of her classes had ended, Hermione made it a goal to find Pansy Parkinson, and give her a piece of her mind. It wasn't very hard, she was in the Room of Requirement, sobbing like Hermione had only seen herself cry.

"What the fuck, Parkinson?" Hermione's voice shattered the barrier of sound that had only been filled with Pansy's cries.

Pansy looked up, tears flowing, "Granger?"

"Yeah, it's me. What the fuck did Malfoy mean? Huh? You don't do 'feelings'?! Maybe you should have thought about that!"

"You're right," Pansy stood up from the chair she had been sitting in, "I didn't think about you, and I'm sorry! I took advantage of you, that's why you're upset, right?"

Hermione paused, a confused and slightly upset look on her face. Her voice lowered, no longer yelling, "You didn't...take advantage of me, Pansy. I wanted it, you know that. Don't use that as an excuse."

"B-But...Weasley. You're barely broken up a month. Surely you regret it? Regret it being me?" Pansy's head lowered in shame, her hair a thick black curtain around her face.

"Absolutely not. Ron and I didn't love each other. That's that. Do you? Regret me?" Hermione suddenly became insecure. Perhaps her lover was simply a distraction.

"You think you're just a distraction?" She hadn't meant to say it out loud. "Hermione, you'll never just be a distraction for me."

"But the trauma, the war-"

Pansy cut her off with a kiss on the lips, passionate and fiery, just as heated as the night before. "-Is over. If I had wanted you as a distraction, I would have taken you on the train." They both laughed, their foreheads pressed together. If Hermione was simply a way for Pansy to forget about her pain from the war, it would break her. Pansy wasn't sure she knew what real love was. She would try, though. For Granger.

"We both have to heal," Hermione said, to which Pansy hummed in agreement. "It won't be easy. We're both pretty fucked up."

"I know, Granger. Just kiss me for now, yeah?"

I have finally figured out a posting schedule! I know this should have been done a while ago but, let's face it, it didn't. There will be two stories up (hopefully) everyday. The schedule looks something like this: Scorch and A Divine Hell; Serendipity and This Golden Sun; Woman, Scorned and Brighter Gold; Meraki and Nomad. The two that are listed together will be updated every four days if everything goes accordingly. If you haven't checked out the other stories I've listed, you GOTTA check 'em out! All of them are Twilight besides this one, obviously!. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you did, please comment and let me know!