FUCKER

June 22, 2018

*text message*

09:04am

Bert: Good morning, Pretty.

...................................

01:09pm

Gerard: Hey. Sorry, I got real caught up with work.

Bert: Going into an interview right now.

Gerard: Okay behave yourself.

Bert: 😈

Gerard: Goddamnit.

.................................

03:14pm

Bert: I told them everything.

Gerard: You did what?

Bert: I told them everything.

Gerard: About what?

Bert: About the upcoming tour, about writing new songs, about having a new daughter, you know... the shit they wanna hear.

Gerard: That is not the shit they wanna hear.

Bert: So what do they wanna hear?

Gerard: The shit you will never say cause if you do, I'd cut your balls off.

Bert: You'd have to get your hands on my balls if you wanna cut them off.

Gerard: You think I can't get close to them? Can't have them in the palm of my hand?

Bert: I think you're too scared.

Gerard: Of your balls?

Bert: Jip.

Gerard: Bert, there are a great many things on this planet that scare me. Your junk is not one of them.

Bert: Ouch.

Gerard: Did I hurt your feelings?

Bert: Little bit.

Gerard: At least something's getting hurt cause ain't no pain coming from what's between your legs.

Bert: 😳🤕😥

Gerard: 😆😂🤣

Bert: My dick could split you in two.

Gerard: Your dick could split a jello cup in two.

Bert: I don't need all this disrespect.

Gerard: I didn't need you showing up in my life calling me by my old nickname.

Bert: I don't need your attitude.

Gerard: I don't need your massive fucking ego.

*Gerard's phone rings immediately. Rolling his eyes with a deep yet very amused sigh.

Bert: Put a second finger inside.

Gerard: How the fuck do you always know?

Bert: Cause I'm hard. And I like to think that when I get hard, so do you.

Gerard: That's bullshit.

Bert: Yeah? Never pop a random boner when you didn't expect it?

Gerard: You telling me that was cause of you?

Bert: Jip. Somewhere out there I was rubbing one out thinking about your juicey ass.

Gerard: Jesus, Bert. Your goddamn ego.

Bert: Yeah, fuck, m'close.

Gerard: Premature.

Bert: Uh huh. Keep talking dirty.

Gerard: You're impossible.

Bert: You're so sexy. I should have my tongue in you right now.

Gerard: Yeah.

Bert: And my fingers.

Gerard: And your little dick.

Bert: You mean my pretty dick.

Gerard: Yeah. So pretty. I remember.

Bert: What else do you remember?

Gerard: The way you sound when you cum.

Bert: Yeah?

Gerard: Adorable. You always needed me to hold you.

Bert: Need you to hold me right now.

Gerard: I

Gerard: wish I could.

Gerard: Cum for me.

Bert: Fuck...

Bert: I don't think I was as quiet as I wanted to be.

Gerard: Are you ever?

Bert: Did you finish?

Gerard: Jiiip.

Bert: That is so goddamn sexy. Where are you right now?

Gerard: At home. Where else would I be?

Bert: Where in the house?

Gerard: Oh. Bedroom. I got the house to myself today.

Bert: Oooohhhh. Party at Gerard's house!

Gerard: Party of one.

Gerard: You've gone quiet. Make a big mess?

*Bert hangs up the call without warning and texts instead.

Bert: I'd leave Ali.

Gerard: Excuse me?

Bert: For you. I would.

Gerard: Bert stop.

Bert: No pressure, Gerard. I just wanted to let you know that I'm serious. That option is there. If you wanna take it.

Gerard: This is just post orgasmic madness. Like when you said you want to have babies with me.

Bert: Gerard, I was fucking serious about that. And I'm serious about this.

Gerard: Bert, we're not having this conversation right now.

Bert: That's fine. Like I said... it's just something to think about.

Gerard: Look, I got a lot of work to catch up on.

Bert: Yeah okay.

Bert: I love you.