Gale's Window

Chapter 1: Winter

It's been 10 days since Katniss Everdeen kissed me.

I was passed out cold lying on her kitchen table. The sweet medicine coursing through my veins made me feel like I was floating. The only thing that kept me tethered to reality was Katniss's hand holding mine, our fingers intertwined.

She'd never held me like that before; it was like she was keeping me in place, like an anchor, stopping me from slipping away into the dark waters of pain and confusion.

That's when it happened.

She had been gently running her fingers through my face. Suddenly, she brought her lips to my ear and whispered, "I'm sorry." Then she leaned in and she kissed me.

It didn't last very long. And, as she softly pressed her warm lips against mine, my mind raced to that one other time when our lips had touched.

XXXXX

She'd just come back from the arena and I'd desperately needed to show her how I felt about her.

I had spent the last few weeks watching her fight for her life on TV. During the first few days, she did everything I would have done if I had been in her place, but the game makers couldn't just leave her alone. She'd scored an 11 during her training sessions and they wanted everyone to see what she was capable of.

I could hardly breathe when I saw the Careers stationed under her tree. The baker's son's watchful eye on her made me very nervous. What game was he playing?

He was trying to survive, that much was obvious, but why was he using her to do it? He had proven to be strong and smart enough to join the career pack, why wasn't he playing like a career then?

After, as Katniss fought the effect of the tracker jacker poison, he helped her. He paid dearly for it. The career's sword slashed his thigh.

I watched, dumbstruck, as the baker's son hobbled to the stream's edge. Once again I wondered what his angle was. Was he really willing to exchange his life for Katniss's?

A few days later Katniss's young ally was killed and the strong, brave girl who had destroyed the career's supplies became despondent and, quite frankly, a bit reckless. I desperately wanted to reach out to her, to let her know, somehow, that she wasn't alone, that I thought she could still make it back. I've never felt so helpless in my life.

And then, everything changed.

First she received a gift from District 11. Then she was told she could have a new ally in the arena, someone she wouldn't have to kill in order to survive.

I could hardly contain my rage when I saw Katniss and the baker's son kiss for the first time. Having her stuck in a cave taking care of a dying boy who was only holding her back had been one thing, but watching her share her first kiss with someone who wasn't me was almost enough to throw me over the edge of madness.

Once again the Capitol was controlling our lives. It wasn't enough to starve and overwork us to within an inch of our lives, to send the district's children into an arena to fight for their survival, now they were intruding in a moment that should have naturally remained private. Why was the girl I loved being forced to kiss a complete stranger?

That night the Capitol took something precious from me. That night I lost the opportunity to be the first person to kiss the girl I loved.

Even though it hurt to watch I understood why she behaved the way she did inside the arena, after all, she was just trying to make it out of there in one piece. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the way she acted once the Game was over really surprised me.