Surviving

Prologue

I had been on my own for what felt like forever. It took a while for me to realise that it had only been 3 years. After B/N had died, and with the simian flu still raging, I had taken what I needed and headed into the forest. Back then I would see a handful of people every now and again, but those who entered the Redwoods never made it as far as my hut. They were all either infected, old or exposure, starvation and wild animals killed them before they had gone a kilometre.
It was almost sad in a pathetic way.
My lip curled. My species was so weak. The reason for our extinction was our own fault anyway. Scientists try to play god-humanity is wiped out. Sad. Pathetic. Slightly annoying.
I shook my head at my thoughts. I hadn't always been this harsh or cynical. Once I had been a normal girl just like every other...normal girl out there. Well maybe not normal but I was a girl, albeit a tomboyish one. My whole family had despaired of me. Well all except for my dad. He hardly knew what was going on in front of his face let alone anywhere else.
Alzheimer's.
At first us kids joked about his memory loss calling him 'spaced out'. That was before he was diagnosed. He died a year before the outbreak. I was 12 at the time. It hit us all hard, especially mum.
The outbreak wiped out the rest of my family. They all got sick at around the same time. I was the only one immune. Me. The most worthless one of the family. If anyone deserved to die it was me. Not them.
It took a moment for me to realise I was crying. The salty tears rolling down my cheeks were such a foreign feeling. I hadn't cried since that day, I realised. I went to wipe them away, angry at being so weak but left them. They deserved to be cried over, to be missed, even if it was just by someone like me. I continued with my reminiscing.
During the time I looked after my family I was waiting for them to hate me, to scream 'Why you?'. I almost wished they would. I doubt I ever crossed their mind. At first they were worried for me, but as It became clear that I wasn't going to get sick, they began to smile when I entered their rooms. They talked with me, joked and laughed, even when their lungs were collapsing from the effort. They told me to leave, said there was nothing left for me here. I never did. My brother's last words were given as he tried to cheer me up.
"Look up at the stars Y/N. They look so beautiful. Dad's soul is up there. So is Mum's and B/N and S/N. Mine will be up there soon too." A smile flickered over his haggard face at that. He looked up at me and grabbed my hand, his words crystal clear, even as his voice faded. "Don't cry when we're gone. Find somewhere to live, something to live for. Start a family. Live your life..." his voice trailed off and I leaned closer to catch his last words. "...like we never could" His hand clutched mine with a strength that amazed me given his weakened state. He looked up at me and a smile flicked across his face one last time. "Don't die" he breathed. His eyes flickered close and his hand fell from mine. Then I disregarded what he had just said, shoved my face in my hands, curled up into a fetal position and bawled my eyes out. Afterwards I swore it would be the last time.

I smiled and wiped my eyes, muttering a silent 'sorry' in my head. I had done what he said. I had found somewhere to live, and I hadn't died.
I had done what he said, I tried to convince myself.
I squeezed my eyes shut. No I hadn't. He had told me to find something to live for, to start a family...to live my life like they never had or could. I smiled wryly at that. "Well maybe I had done that" I thought, looking round at the redwoods and smiling to myself as I imagined them living as I did. The thing was, I couldn't start a family. I wasn't even sure if anyone else had survived and...my eyes squeezed shut again, trying to hold back the tears that, once again, threatened to spill down my face. I had nothing to live for. That had died with him.

It took me a moment for me to come back to my surroundings. A thundering roar filled my ears and I was damp from head to toe. I looked down over the waterfall as I remembered why I had come here. In my mind it was so deceptively easy. I could already imagine what it would be like to fall into the icy depths, the thundering roar in my ears fading to silence, a peaceful feeling enveloping me as the wind and water whipped past my face, tangling my hair into a mask, shielding my face from death...
"Don't die"
The words startled me from my reverie, seeming to come from nowhere. They felt less like a memory and more like my brother was right there, repeating them into my ear.
"Don't die"
I squeezed my eyes shut and stepped back from the edge. I couldn't end my life like this, not after what he had said. I had to live my life. For them. I owed them as much. Determined now, I turned towards the tree-line, pulling my hoodie over my head, obscuring my features. As I headed back towards the trees, a new word sounded in my head. "Survive" I smiled slightly.

"Don't worry" I muttered "I will"