fallen z.h (on hold)

☯chapter 4☯

Niall's POV

It's been a week since I was last at school, a week since my parents passed away.

I haven't gone to school, and since I am 17 and not 18 yet, my grandma took custody of me. But she is never here, she is always at her house. Which her house may I add is right near mine, so she calls to check on me.

What my grandmother doesn't know is that I have not been in school for a week, and that I cut more than I ever have. I hope one time i'll cut too deep, that I go with my family. I feel with each cut, a problem goes away. so maybe when place the blade to my skin for the last problem, i'll then be dead.

I have come to hate sunny days. Even if there are not many sunny days here in England, and one hasn't even come yet, when it does comes out, I will dread it. It was sunny when my family died, and therefore it is like that day all over again when it is sunny. But the weird part is, its winter and it was one of those cold but sunny days, which is something that happens once in a blue moon here.

But to be honest, I feel like I relive that day everyday. Just sulking in my own blood and sorrow, pathetic really.

I look out from the widow in my room. I see it is dark and cloudy, and mentally smile a little.

I get up and grab a coat and guitar. Then I run down the stairs to the door.

I get outside looking up at the sky and then heading towards where I ran when I first heard the news about my parents. Its quite pretty, it's a clearing in the woods, with a log perfect for sitting.

I reach the log, I look at my watch seeing it is 2:00, the time I would get out of school. Even though it is Saturday and I have not been going to school at all, I still like to go to the clearing at the same time everyday. I guess i'm what people call a creature of habit.

I go and sit on the log. I look around always feeling someone watching me. But, I know it's just my imagination. To be honest though, if someone were to jump out and kill me, I wouldn't care. Then my body would just be paired to match how I feel on the inside, dead.

I grab my guitar and look around to see tall trees and straggled leaves on the ground.

I slowly inhale the smell of the woods, always loving the smell of it.

I strums some chords, then playing the being of 'Scars' by Papa Roach. Its always been a song I have liked, and I could sort of relate to it a lot. I start to sing.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life"

I finish the playing and singing the last note.

I have always song and played guitar to get away from the world, because music brings me to a world I actually want to be in.

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~IMPORTANT NOTE, PLEASE READ!~

Well guys, as you know, winter break ended *looks down and sighs*.

Therefore, I will not be updating as much because I get lots of homework, tests, and quizzes. Not to mention after school activities.

But I will try to update as much as I can ;)

I will probably only every once in awhile have A/N chapters to inform you on stuff about the book and about updates.

Hope you liked the chapter though!

(Next update is tomorrow when I wake up, already have it ready for you guys😜)
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