Drowning

Five

Dear Journal,

Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was just the cat"
Just an excuse
Just another lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"
Just a tear
Just a scream
"Why are you crying?"
"Just a bad dream"
But it's not just a cut
Or a tear or a lie
It's always,"Just one more"
Until you die

Sincerely,
Whatever is left if me

Dear Journal,

Depression is a war
A battle against yourself
Every though is a bullet
Every movement is a punch
Every word is a stab in the heart

Depression is a thief
It steals everything you once had
Everything left behind are the things that keep you trapped

Depression is a murderer
It killed the girl I used to be
I look in the mirror
And I see this thing

Depression is a zombie
You're alive
But you're dead
You are unaware of what is happening
You're the walking dead

Depression is a nightmare
You wake up into a hell
You are afraid of living
Everything seems impossible to bear

Depression is an ocean
A sea of emotions
You're drowning everyday
However you're never saved

Depression is a bottomless pit
Never ending pain
Never ending struggles
There is no light
There is no escape

Depression is a war
A constant battle within your self
I think I might surrender for I had enough
And I'm afraid to say... I'm losing

Lots of hate,
Me

Dear Journal,

Most days I find it hard to look in the mirror
At times
I convince myself that nobody would miss me
If I were gone
My scars tell stories that I wish I could keep
To myself
I cry for no reason,
And I have trouble figuring out the way I'm
Supposed to function
When my mind is such a scary place

But I got out if bed this morning
And that's a start.

Bye,
Myself

Dear Jou-

"What are you doing" He asked as he sat down next to me on my bed. He snatched the book from me and sighed when he realized what I was reading. "You know this is not healthy, right? You're trying to get better. Not remembering why you were like that in the first place."

"I don't care. I'm not finished. Give it back!" I demanded and tried to snatch it back. He quickly held it out of my reach and shook his head.

"No."

"But-" He cut me off by getting up and dumping it in the trash. Then he picked up the bin and walked out of the room without a glance back. Shaking my head I get out a clean notebook from my drawer along with a pen and began writing.

Dear Journal,

At 6 she wanted to be a ballerina
At 8 she wanted to be veterinarian
At 10 she wanted to be a teacher
At 13 she wanted to be pretty
At 16 she wanted to be dead
But
At 18 she graduates high school
At 20 she studies for her final
At 22 she gets her diploma from college
At 26 she whispers "I do"
At 28 she holds her newborn child
At 30 she wipes her tears and says
"I'm glad I made it"

Thank you,
Me, Myself, and I

"Mommy! Daddy won't quit bothering me! He keeps telling me to do things!" My daughter grumbles from the doorway. I smile at her and motion for her to come sit on my lap.

"Well then maybe you should listen to him. I have a feeling that we are going somewhere special tonight and you need to get ready" She quickly nods her head and runs to her room to put on the clothes that should be laid out for her on her bed. When she leaves the room she passes Him and he turns to give me a surprised look.

"Now, how did you get her to do something I couldn't get her to do?" I chuckle and shrug before getting up and walking over to him. I wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear:

"I love you"

-------------------------------------
Thank you all.

Thank you for getting this book to 1K reads!
You guys probably don't know this but the reason I wrote this book is because it makes me think of a friend of mine.

She was sent to the hospital a long while ago for cutting and it had me thinking about all sorts if things. I had no idea that she was depressed. I had no idea how she felt.

I wrote this book in hope to show her one day so she can realized to never look back in the past. Just because your past was bad doesn't mean your future will be.

I hope to help you all out there who is going through the same.

Thank you
^_^ Mikayla