Who's that Girl?

3. The Pain

The performance was a nightmare. I practiced a lot up to the performance because I wanted it to be perfect. However, I could hardly move around on stage because of pain. I started to dance but let out a huge groan as I felt pain in my hips. I knew things were going wrong and was not concentrating on my voice, It didn't take long for me to realize that the auto tuner made me sound like a broken vacuum cleaner. I was not at all focused. I was in pain and it was like I could not hit a tune. I looked out at the audience and seen some fellow celebrities look in shock. They just stared as if to ask themselves is this lady a legend. I wanted to stop, but my professionalism made me continue. 10 minutes of performing can be like hours!

Finally, the show was over. My staff came in and started trying to console me by saying that things were not that bad. I had my hands buried in my hands and was thinking how bad I looked on stage. I stood up and shouted at my staff. I told them that my fans will be disappointed. The media will think I am finished as a performer. I told them that over the last few years, I have listened too much to the suggestions and advice I gave. I lost my temper and threw things around the room. In the end, I told them that they were all fired. The only person that I wanted was my manager, that I had for years.

Needless to say, the media spent a lot of space and time discussing bad performance. It was the usual things that they wrote. I was no longer relevant and the lack of talent was showing more and more. The main thing they wrote was that I was now old and I was becoming more and more desperate to get the attention I once had. The media agreed on one thing. I should have some dignity and grace and retire.

I did not answer. I would hide for a few months and then do something so people knew that I had no intention of retiring. I would not comment on the performance. What could I say? I did my best but failed! That would make the media happy. They would love me to admit that the world no longer needed Madonna.

I will admit over the next few days, that I was feeling sorry for myself and I did drink a bit too much. I didn't feel sorry for myself often, as I usually moved from one project to another project. Now I needed time to think about what I should do. Was my career over?

I expressed my frustrations over Instagram. I spoke about that I did not consider myself old. Why can male singers like Mick Jagger still be respected, even though they were old? Why did people expect women to retire? Why was I being punished because my body was getting old? I still had a young heart. Did people just expect me to fade away?

I even got political. I talked about the election and the US needed a savior like Kennedy. I even talked about COVID 19 and I thought there was a conspiracy and the vaccine was already found.

Needless to say, there was once again a huge response. Instagram even flagged my account for giving false information. I did not take this seriously. I took the reaction of my fans seriously. Some were very worried about my mental health. The most worrying were fans that said that they have supported me through many controversies and provocations. However, the new conspiracy one was too much. They thought I was now insane. As one fan said, "It's hard to see how desperate Madonna is and how low she can get."

My doctor came and confirmed what I already knew. After years of dancing and pushing my body to the limits, my hips were now damaged in some way. He warned me not to overdo my exercise or to dance too much. He would give me some pain tablets and told me I may need a hip replacement. The doctor also warned me to be careful of the medicine. It was very addictive and he did not want to read I had an overdose. He sighed as he remembered how Micheal Jackson and Prince died.

I could see that there was something else he wanted to say. I told him he could be honest and I would not fire him. He told me I was at a stage where many were retiring. He knew that image meant a lot as a singer. The doctor told me that it was a cruel world. A person my age could still have so much to do and achieve, but because of old age, they would never get a chance.