Who's that Girl?

4. What is there to prove

I always love a good party and this one was no exception. I felt so free when I was on the dancefloor. All my worries disappeared and I could just have some fun. I did not have to worry about my age or my career. I did not have to worry about if my dancing was perfect. This was where time stopped and I could smile and just have fun. Of course, my hip did hurt me and I could not dance as wild as I used to. I did not think about it. I just wanted a break and to have fun.

I was back to the normal daily life the next day. My manager had an idea that I could do a duet album with artists I admire. He suggested artists like Elton John, Kate Bush. Annie Lennox, Billie Eilish, Lady Gaga, and Dua Lipa. I smiled at the idea and told him that it is fun working with others. It would be a great project and a fun project and could introduce some younger fans to me. I also tried a few duets before. They were nothing to remember. Who remembers the duet I done with Britney Spears? The manager was sure that this would be a success. I had my doubts. Would I be criticized for needing the support of other stars? I would not have full control. It would not be a Madonna project.

When I was young, I did not have the ambition to be a pop star. When my career started, I wanted to be a dancer and do movies. I did try movies. Due to bad directors or bad scripts, most of my movies were also flops. Most even said that I was a bad actress. I remember how hurt and frustrated I was every time a movie flopped. I knew I could be a better actress and a success, I just needed the right script.

This is why I worked so hard to get the role of Evita. It was an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical that would be made to a movie. I finally got the role of Evita. The film was hard and very demanding. To make things worse, I found out that I was pregnant with Lourdes. I did everything I could to prove that I could take a serious role like this. I even took singing lessons to improve my voice. It was not an easy film to do. I had to follow instructions all the time and the warm climate was not easy when you are pregnant.

Evita was one of the highlights of my career. The movie was a success and proved that I could act. I even won a Golden Globe award. This was when my life was perfect. I had a huge success with a movie, and I was a mother for the first time!

I did not feel disgusted as I looked in the mirror a few days after the party. I felt sad. I remembered the people I met in my career. Many were now dead. Superstars like Michael Jackson, Prince, George Micheal, David Bowie, and Whitney. Others had a great career but their careers faded away. Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, and Celine Dion are some names that I thought of. It was strange to think that I have survived this long.

Now I was obsessed with saving my career and not getting older. I did not want to go down in memory lane. I knew that a lot of fans thought my songs from the '80s were my best. I also knew that if I did an album like True Blue or Like a prayer, it would please my older fans and most likely be a success. The thing is I wanted to try new things. I wanted to try the new things people were listening to and were not mainstream yet.

Was I desperate? Could I not accept reality? I looked at women such as Annie Lennox that was always a strong woman and very talented. She did not try to be sexual and yet she still had her fan base. Annie did not seem desperate. She seemed very happy with what she was doing. She had the freedom to do what she liked. Maybe I needed to relax and just have fun.

Rocco, my oldest son visited me. We had huge problems years ago. Rocco was a teenager and he has my ability to rebel. He thought that I worked too much and he hated when I went on tour. Rocco wanted to be with his friends and he wanted a stable life. He asked me if he could live with his Dad. I refused because I thought he should stay with me. I was worried about him. He tried drugs and was wild at times. Rocco deleted me on his Instagram and all hell broke loose. It ended that we had a very public custody battle. I felt like I was being judged as a mom and lost.