Senior year. Everyone has their life going. Plans are being laid out for their future. There is Kim Yongsun or popularly known for her stage name Solar, the school band's female vocalist. Beautiful, talented and kind. She has her life all planned ou...
No one was prepared for what happened and what was about to happen.
Time stood still. The world stops spinning. Your stomach being filled with butterflies. Everything around you disappears because in that very moment, only the two of you exist. That's how they describe their first kiss or when they know it's that first kiss they shared with that special one.
That's how it was for me. Time and space standing still as the world around me dissipated into nothingness. But in that moment, I was there all alone. The only thing I feel is the sting on my cheek as the last thing I've heard was the smacking sound the moment Yongsun slapped me.
I stood there frozen. Not even bothering to look again as the last thing I saw of her was the shock and disdain in her face. I didn't call after her when she ran away. I didn't answer even when Wheein asked me what happened. I didn't even flinch when Hyejin threatened me if I had done something. Then they ran after her.
What's the point? I majorly utterly miserably fucked up.
There was no butterfly in my belly, only pain and guilt bubbling in my gut.
I didn't even noticed nor remembered how I ended up in Xiumin's private room with him and Yooa. He poured me a glass of bourbon and dumped a load of ice on it before handing me the drink. The two might have witnessed the kiss and what came after as Yooa was coming out from the CR and Xiumin went looking for Yongsun not long after I dragged her away. Wheein and Hyejin might only have saw Yongsun slapping me then running away or just when she ran away.
"Take it. You look. . . overwhelmed. Then dab the glass on your cheek." I heard Xiumin's faint voice.
I did what he said. There was no point resisting. I couldn't even trust my own thinking and decisions despite how sober I might be. Yooa, on my side, is running her hand on my back, soothing me out from the shock as Xiumin stood still, eyeing me worriedly.
"Why did you lie? You told me you weren't interested in anyone here?" Yooa inquired bringing back our conversation in the cafe. Her voice laced with concern.
"You didn't tell me you actually like her. Christ, I thought you were just competing with me or simply cock-blocking me. Why didn't you just said so?" Xiumin fired right after Yooa. He looks conflicted and guilty as he raked his hand on his hair.
I gave out a hollow laughter. The alcohol probably working on me as I suddenly found the urge to snap back. As they say, when there is anger, there is pain hidden underneath it and I've got loads of it right now.
"I couldn't even tell her myself! How do you suppose I could even tell you? For all I know she's straight, she just came out of a break up then probably mended it with his now long-distance boyfriend or probably not. I dont have a fucking clue and a fucking chance! I know it! Im fine with it until you just had to rub it into my fucking face! And I remember I told you to back off. Twice."
I threw in my tirade. My voice just a bit forceful but I wasn't shouting. I just wanted to make a point, even if I realized there wasn't one. I already messed up and Xiumin has nothing to do with it. It was all because of my emotions that I couldn't hold back. I refilled my glass, downed it in one go then refilled it again. It's hard keeping myself from breaking down in front of them. It's hard keeping up with the frustrations life has been throwing at me.
"Sorry. I didn't know." He apologized.
"I know since you could be oblivious sometimes." I responded to his reiteration of his ignorance but I know I couldn't be angry at him or it'll be just me projecting the pain into hate and throwing it to someone.
I sigh as I eventually calmed down.
"You should take Yooa home. There's still class tomorrow. I'll go home after I finish this." I suggested to Xiumin as I shake my third glass of alcohol in my hand.
"No. Stay here instead. It's safer if you just don't drive." It was Yooa.
If only it was you, or even Wheein or Seulgi, everything could have been perfect.
I thought for a lot of times now but Yooa also already knew that.
"Okay." I agreed then nod to Xiumin, signaling him to go and take the girl.
After they left, I pulled out my phone and dialed Yongsun's number. I heard the two short beeping sound on the other line which tells me I was blocked. I tried Wheein and Hyejin but they weren't answering.
I laid on the couch in defeat as I cover my eyes with an arm. I let myself shed some tears, after all Im a human, capable of being feeling hurt and guilt.
If only I had been contented with what I had. If only I had controlled my emotions. I had lost yet another friend from acting rash. Wheein forgave me but Yongsun might be a lost cause already. If only I hadn't been so selfish.
Sleep eventually came after I prayed for absolution, reciting the words "Im sorry, Yongsun" over and over and over.
--- 💔 A/N I know most of yall wants moonsun ship to sail. . .look at the song Byul dedicated to Yong in Hamvengirls
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What if it's really one-sided?
XD Im just messing with you, i'll update the soonest I can, byee
