The Rainbow at the end of my storm

•6•

Trisha used to tell me that I couldn't hide from my past forever; one day I would have to face it. That it would catch up with me eventually; emotionally and mentally. She'd practically rant about how important it was tell those closest to you, to tell people I could trust. But she also said that I should never be ashamed to tell anybody what happened to me. I used to listen, but I never took it all in until today.

Right now, as I lay on my small dorm bed with Mason hovered over me, I consider her words. Never be ashamed. I shouldn't have to be scared, or worried in fact, that he would look at me different or react in a way I wouldn't want, but I did. He'd managed to crawl into my life and climb under my skin in less than twenty four hours, yet we were nothing to each other. Simple acquaintances. I shouldn't have to worry about how he would react, and I definitely shouldn't be considering telling him, but it was on the tip of my tongue.

Yesterday, I hadn't wanted to tell Bree at all. Maybe after all the reactions I received from my so-called best friends at home, I didn't want to face losing another potential friend. So I hid the truth; I hid my past. Where as, right now, I wanted to lay it all out in front of us. I wanted to scream to the roof tops how I'm so fucked up and terrified - not only to talk about it - but to even get close to another guy again. But I knew I couldn't, it wasn't right. He wasn't anybody to me. He asked an innocent question and I'm sure he's not expecting the answer I'll give if I tell the truth, so I won't.

"Nobody"

I thought shutting him down would be easy. After all, I'd shouted at him, ran from him, and now I'd collapsed on him. Literally. Surely he'd get the hint. But he didn't.

"Sure didn't sound like nobody. You were yelling his name between breaths as you came back, and you looked frightened when I came up behind you" He was still hovering over me, his hot breath hitting my skin like a breath of fresh air. It was comforting, strangely.

"Anybody would jump, get scared, if someone came up behind them" I attempted to sit up and break face-to-face contact, but his strong arms pushed me back down. "Just leave me alone, is it that hard?"

A flicker of hurt crossed his face, making me regret what I said. I shouldn't be so nasty to him. He'd done nothing wrong. Well, apart from refusing to leave me alone when I asked initially, and proposing I fuck him like I'm some slag.

"Yes"

My eyebrows furrowed together as I tried to comprehend what he'd said. I'd got too carried away with my thoughts, that I'd forgotten what I'd actually said to him.

"Yes, it's hard to leave you alone"

It took me a second to respond. "Why?" I sounded timid, frightened. I curled my fingers around each other as I waited.

"It just is" now he sounded timid. His voice was barely a whisper, and for the first time he'd lost eye contact with me; looking down at the small space between us.

My body started to shake again, only this time my nerves were caused by a different thing altogether. It still involved him, but it was more innocent. Less terrifying. I felt numb, like I was floating, and a dizzy spell cast over my eyes when he reached forward. Froze would be an understatement, I was practically a statue. Each breath came shallow as my eyes followed his hand to the stray lock of hair hanging beside my cheek. Callous fingertips brushed my cheek bone as he fixed the error in my hair, tucking it behind my ear. He stopped, his hand briefly touching the skin on the side of my neck, as he gazed at me once more. I was in a trance.

"I have to go, I hope you feel better" he rose from the bed, slowly stepping towards the door without glancing back.

The door shutting brought me out of my daze. What on Earth just happened?