(18+) Come & Talk to Me: A DeVanté Swing Fanfiction

Chapter 6: Come & Feel Better

WARNING: This chapter mentions suicide, physical and sexual abuse. It may trigger some.

Please excuse and grammatical errors.

January 18, 1992

~Tia's P.O.V~

It was currently 6:37 in the morning. I was laying in bed trying to hold back my tears, until they just came streaming down my face. It's just one of those days. One of those days where my traumatic childhood experiences hit me. It hit me hard. I promised myself I'd go to therapy when I really start making money, but I still have yet to do so. This has effected me since I hit puberty. I mean, I don't think about it everyday, but I do think about it a lot. It started at age six and lasted until I was ten.

My aunt used to make me stay over her house. I never wanted to be over there, but no matter how hard I cried to my mama, I'd end up staying. Now of course sometimes I had good times but other times not so much. It was the first time I seen porn. This particular day my aunt left my cousin and I and as soon as she left my cousin went into my auntie closest and pulled out a tape, a porn tape. This female cousin was seven years older than I were. I was six and she was thirteen. I remember asking her what it was and she told me porn and popped it in the VCR. I kept asking questions like what was the white stuff coming from the guy.

Within that same year it escalated. She called the game "Truth or Dare". That game consisted of her my younger male cousin, her, and I doing things, if we didn't do it we'd get punched. Those things would vary from pleasuring her some kind of way, watching my younger male cousin and I do things to each other, or her watching us "please" ourselves. Me nor him knew what we were doing. She made us promise not to tell anyone. So, all those years I held it in. Sometimes, I think it's my fault for not telling.

A year after hitting puberty the thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. It even made me question my sexuality, even though I had no interest in girls in that manner. I fell into a deep depression, shut everyone out, and ate my thoughts away. I couldn't even touch things because I'd remember what I had to do with these hands. It was a traumatic, yet nobody could see the changes in my behavior, not even my mother. Maybe because I'm so good at hiding my emotions. Sometimes those things would happen and my mother would be next room.

It didn't help that I slept in the same room those things happened in. It also didn't help that I was being picked on at school EVERY SINGLE DAY. I didn't even want to live I thought I'd kill myself before the age of sixteen. But I'm still here, I now WANT to be here, and don't plan on dying anytime soon. When I was sixteen family secrets started coming out left to right. One was that that same female cousin did similar things to one of my older cousin who was three years younger than she was. Majority of the women in my family have been touched or sexually assaulted by someone else who was older within the family. When my mom asked me did anything happen to me I told her no, because when my aunt found out about her son she fell into a deeper depression. I didn't want to see my mother depressed like my aunt. MY FAMILY IS JACKED UP! These predators are living a happy life, while the victims suffer in silence.

At the age of seventeen I decided to shave my head and go natural. I also started my workout journey to lose weight. I was 5'6, almost 230 pounds at age seventeen. Those were the things that helped me cope, and giving me a new start, and it helps. I decided to forgive that cousin, but I didn't do it personally because I never really spoke to her again. Another thing that helped was my best friend, who was a ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on.