Maribat one shots

Malk...

(So this isn't really a maribat fanfic, I just kinda wanted to write it.sue me, plz don't I don't got no money to pay)

(3rd person P.O.)

Nightwing and robin put their grappling hooks away, walking around the edge of the Wayne entreprises building, it was one of the rare times that they had gotten a distress signal from the red hood, so being curious and a good brother -Dick- they went to check it out. They walked by the edge of the building coming to a halt as they spot the distress signal button on the ground.

Dick picked it up deactivating it "what do you think this means." He turned to look at Damian.

"I'm not sure, I mean can you even ever be sure with Todd"

"It's red hood on patrol gremlin" they look up to see Jason standing there two guns in his hands, before they could do anything they hear the sound of two guns firing, and him saying "lights out bitch"

——————

The feeling of cold water being dumped on his face brought Dick out of his slumber, -not that it was a very pensent one anyways- he looked side to side, spotting Damian on his left. "Wait why aren't you wet"

Damian rolled his eyes behind his domino "tt, Grayson clearly I have a better reaction to tranqs than you"

"The gremlins right" they looked over to where I voice came from seeing a silhouette ur not the person even though it was clear.

"What are we doing here Todd" Damian grit through his teeth "where even are we"

"Yeah and why are we restrained to these chairs, you are aware that we can break out of them really easily right" Jason sighed taking off his helmet and walking into the light.

"Okay boomer fir-"

"Jason you saying 'okay boomer' sounds wrong in more than one way" Damian nods in agreement

"What" he shrugs, "i just keep up with the kids"

Damian cringes at his 'brothers' words "I mean of course father couldn't just stop after getting Grayson he just had to go on and get...that....thing" he lets out a frustrated sigh "Todd you saying that just makes you sound more like the pedophile we all know you are."

He scoffs "am not" he starts walking from side to side. "Anyways this is my, how do ya call it, oh yes my base of operation I-"

"Do all your bases have to look like this, I mean at least when Timmy calls us over his bases are much cleaner, and safer, they have more light and seem like a genuine base of operation, I mean what even is this place, don't you agree with me Dami" he looks to his left Damian nodding.

"I know, as much as Drake is incompetent in a lot of things, his base of operations are usually quite plesent to visit"

"Okay, that's enough, let's all bring our attention to the person who kidnapped you." He continued to pace up and down. "So I know that you must be dying to know why you're here"

"Honestly no"

"Yeah same, I'm going to have to agree with lil D on that, but I mean don't let that stop you"

Jason growled under his breath. "Will you two just for fucks sake stop complaining", he dragged a chair towards them, sitting down "so anyways, I had this dream"

Damian let out an irritated groan. "For fucks sake Todd, you kidnapped us, which in our case is called abduction, just to tell us about a stupid dream you had, couldn't you have done that over the phone."

"Damian be nice" Dick gave him a stern look.

"That's exactly right, and you best watch your language before I was your fucking mouth with a bar of soap." He regained his composure. "So this is how it went, also no interruptions."

"The dream started with me walking it the manor kitchen you -goldie- and Demon were siting by the table demon there seemed to be texting someone, I have no idea who would want to do that" Damian glared at him. "Oh yes let me get back on track, so I walked in and said 'hey Damian you got anythin' to drink'"

"Not looking away from his phone the gremlin tells me 'yeah in the fridge' so I open the fridge and dickward which by the way I found out ment a place where men who had their dicks bitten/burned/snapped/broken off by crazy wives got to, yeah the fucker asked me to get him a glass of malk"

"First off Jason, please stop calling me that, secondly what's wrong with a glass of milk" Damian was looking off to the side hoping Jason's story would finish faster.

"Oh but Wait. So I look towards him and say 'they don't have and Malk, but I can get you some milk'"

"So you brought us to this crusty, musty, disgusting place to tell us about Grayson saying malk" he waited for a second raising an eyebrow up a Jason.

"Shut the fuck up shitface" he looked up for a moment "oh yea' so then demon speaks and says 'that's what he just said' which Dickward responds with 'yeah I just want a glass of malk' I shut the fridge looking at the both of you saying 'nah you're sayin' It wrong you're sayin' malk, like it's a disease'"

"So the weird shit about this dream was the fact that the lil' gremlin over h're was like chuckling 'n shit and after doin' that shit he asked me 'how do you say it' which I responded with the appropriate response of 'I'm saying it the way everyone aught to say it milk, M I L K'"

"Well demon speaks saying 'yeah like 2%' and dickward who was silent spoke again 'yeah like whole malk'"

"Like doesn't your stupid ass brain know how to say it so I say 'nononono No, say milkshake' which he does say correctly 'okay, now say milk' the shit face says malk. So I facepalm and turn to demon asking him 'are you hearing this.' Demon not looking away from his phone mind you says 'yeah, the man wants a glass of molk.' "

"Like the fuck is even wrong with you people so I answer 'Molk?' The lil' shit yells at me 'GIVE HIM THE MOLK JASON'. So B shows up, suit on cowl down which I thought was kind weird, he stops by the door ' Damian inside voices please'.

The demon brat looks down 'n acts like a model-ass-child even sayin' sorry, but the moment B disappeared dickward, stands up leaning against the table yelling 'POUR ME A GLASS OF MALK', I raised an eyebrow at him. 'Why are you even yelling at me'"

"Gremlin started talking 'JUST HIM HIM THE FREAKING MOLK' so we all just start yelling at each other  'YOU GUYS ARENT EVEN SAYING THE SAME THIN'' dickward stands up 'WERE ALL SAYING MALK JASON' he points a finger towards me, so I point back 'NO, YOURE SAYING MALK, YOUR SAYIN-'

" 'MALK, MOLK MOLK MALK, MAAAAALLLLLLLLKKK' so tired of you guys shit I pull out my gun 'SHUT UP, SHut UP.' I point the gun towards my head 'You better put it down Jason'  now at this point I'm thinking this is stupid"

"You know, why the fuck would u guys point the guns at me, so I yell back 'you're gonna shoot me if I shoot myself, that doent make any sense' so the two of you have the comon sense to put the guns towards your heads, then we pull the trigger all of us"

Dick and Damian looked at each other, then back at Jason. "Todd you should see a therapist"

Jason scoffed at Damians remark "but I already have one" he pulls a rock with a pair of eyes poorly stuck to it, out of his pocket. "Ya see" he scoffs. "Fucking dumbass"

Dick clears his throat "so...uh yeah, I think I'm ready to leave"