I Have Loved You Since We Were Eighteen

The Wedding

Katsuki vaguely remembers ever getting home that night. After the conversation with Shouto, everything else was an absolute fucking blur to him, he remembered running outside and sort of getting into a cab but everything after that is hazy and fuzzy, yet here he was standing in his shower letting the burning hot water wash over his body staring at the water as it vanished down the drain. This evening turned into a fucking mess, everything about it was fucked up.
 
He dragged himself to the bed and flopped down, passing out the moment his head hit the pillow.
 
Sunlight shone in his face causing him to groan loudly with irritation as he rolled over then dragged himself out of bed to vomit in the bathroom. He shouldn't have done all that drinking last night, all that bourbon especially considering what today was. Today. He was supposed to be married today. Walk down that aisle to be wed to Kyouka Jirou. His mind could only remember that one sentence from last night, the one thing that forced him to flee and run away from his own party.
 
Katsuki pulled himself up and over towards the sink to wash out the taste of vomit from his mouth, groaning under his breath. He looked up to stare back at his reflection.
 
I have loved you since we were eighteen.
 
He started crying. Just rethinking about those words had his heart shattering and breaking in pieces. He was shaking, swallowing hard. He can't back out of this wedding. So many were attending, he couldn't just call this off. He couldn't just abandon this all.
[I really hope to see you today at the wedding okay? Plz. I need you to be there.]
 
He sent Shouto a text before he chose yet again to shower. He needed to wash everything off, sweat, vomit, the smell of alcohol. Everything.
 
Today was going to be a nightmare.
 
Shouto woke up with a headache that made him feel nauseous and dizzy. He climbed off the bed, his body shaking while he walked towards the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach on the toilet and dry heaving, his breathing completely out of control. 
 
The events of the night before came back to him and Shouto vomited again, tears running down his face while he punched the ground in frustration and despair. He ruined everything… he ruined Katsuki’s life, his wedding, their friendship. He…. destroyed it all. 
 
And he couldn’t deal with the pain. 
 
Deciding to take a shower, Shouto allowed the scalding water to wash over his body, making him shudder and sob, unable to keep the feelings inside himself anymore. It was too late, the bottle was unlidded, he had no way of controlling himself any longer. 
 
Shouto didn’t know for how long he stayed under the hot spray of water, leaving only when he started getting bothered by it, and he brushed his teeth to remove the foul taste of his mouth. Without bothering with clothes, Shouto laid back on his bed, sighing and hugging himself as if such a pathetic gesture would help to ease away the sorrow that seemed to have made permanent residence inside him. 
 
A few minutes - or hours, he didn’t know - later, he heard his phone vibrating and looked at the device, grabbing it in an automatic gesture. But he shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t.
 
It was a message. From Katsuki. Asking, almost begging him to be at the wedding. After hearing his confession… after knowing about his feelings. 
 
Katsuki wanted Shouto there. Probably to punish him, to make Shouto watch the man he loved getting married to someone else. To solidify the rejection. To rub in Shouto’s face how unwanted, how unlovable he was. Katsuki wanted Shouto there to humiliate him, to make him witness what Shouto could never have.
 
It was sadistic. It was cruel. It was heartless… but Shouto deserved it. 
 
Maybe the pain would actually make him forget and move on. Maybe it would make him realize that it was better this way. That Katsuki could actually do better. 
 
And Shouto couldn’t deny him anything. After the scene he caused last night, he deserved the punishment the blond would bestow to him, so he would endure it. He would be Katsuki’s best man. But Shouto had no idea how he would feel alive ever again after that. 
 
He sighed, shakily, closing his eyes before climbing off the bed and getting dressed. He knocked on Momo’s door and the woman was surprised to see him already up, her worried glance almost making him cry again. 
 
“Shouto, what-?” She started to question but he interrupted her, showing her his phone and watching as she read it and frowned deeply, her eyes back on his face. “And what are you going to do?”
 
“I’m going.” He replied, resolute. “I’m going to get ready. You coming?”
 
She nodded, her lower lip wobbling before she threw herself in his arms and held him close. They were both hopeless, both lost inside their pain. At least they had each other.