Change Your Ticket

Not just for a few more days

Zayn's POV

Frankly speaking, I am a bit confused. What is way worse though, is the revelation that I am somehow hurt. Somehow, his resentment has made me feel not only surprised, but deeply hurt. And this is not how things were supposed to be. All I have wanted, was to have a distraction for a while, a beautiful distraction. So, why is it, that this distraction is now all I can think about?

When Harry told me that he wasn't ready to go all the way, I barely thought much about it. I almost didn't even mind! Although, that is exactly all I have wanted: Just sex. Just fun.

No commitment, no strings attached, just two blokes having a bit of fun in the city of love. However, in reality, one of these blokes is completely inexperienced, while the other tries in vain to forget about his ex-fiancé. I have to alter that ridiculous thought though. Because firstly, Harry might be inexperienced, but he definitely doesn't kiss like he is. Secondly, I have tried to forget about Perrie, whom I originally wanted to take to Paris, but instead took Liam, since he has claimed, that I shouldn't just cancel everything just because the wedding didn't happen, but at least explore a wonderful city, so I listened to his advice and he gladly accompanied me. I remember how he said to me that this would be way better than staying at home, sulking and wallowing because of Perrie, who turns out, has cheated on me for the past few months we stayed together. When I found out, the first thing I did, was to go for a run. I tried to run away from my problem, literally. I felt so angry with her and with me for falling in love with a person like her. You can fall out of love, but why cheat if you could also just break up with the other person before that? Why? I just couldn't understand it and I still can't. Especially, because Perrie and I have also scarcely fought, to me our relationship has mostly worked out just fine. Liam said on our way to Paris that he thinks otherwise. Not that he blames me, but he admits that I, as an art student, hopefully soon to be artist, always devoted more time to my drawings than to my girlfriend. Or that if I had to study, I'd never make time for her to stop by even if it was only for a few minutes. And now I believe that he might be right. To me, everything had worked out perfectly, like the way our relationship was going, but maybe I couldn't give her enough. She coudn't give me enough. And maybe, maybe deep down, I knew that too. But it was convenient with her. Everything about her was convenient. She was easy, uncomplicated and not really deep. Like, she and I barely managed to talk about something really meaningful. I don't know why, but the two of us were really bad at sharing emotional issues, so at one point, we had just stopped sharing them at all. And even the lighter stuff like me talking about the book I had read or the new music that I had discovered, wasn't really something she was interested in.

God, I don't even know how we lasted that long. Maybe, it only lasted as long as it did, because I only saw the good and ignored what our relationship was missing, while she decided to get what she was missing from someone else, while still taking the good from me that she could. It somehow makes sense. Also fucked up. And if I hadn't accidentally caught her and her lover fucking, we might still be stuck in that unhealthy circle.

So as ridiculous as it sounds, I can even be thankful that she cheated on me and that I found out.

And yes, I am somehow grateful for that because otherwise...otherwise, I wouldn't have met Harry.

Harry with his beautiful dimpled smile, these mesmerizing green orbs, that chocolate curly mop of curls, that toned body, but more importantly with that wonderful laugh of his that makes me want to stare at him forever. I swear that when he laughs, it doesn't matter if it's his own stupid joke that caused his laughter to erupt or one of his mates or maybe even mine, each time, I am astounded by the beauty of it. To me he looks like a bundle full of sunshine, asking me to shine with him. The day we have spent together, talking about books, music, families and life, I think he really listened. I never realized how important it is to have a partner who simply listens. Don't get me wrong, Harry did plenty of talking as well, but I don't know, we just kinda vibed. And maybe that's another reason why each time we have kissed, I wanted, needed more. Not in the sense, of just having to fulfill my urges, but in the sense of actually not wanting to lose his touch. I don't think anyone has ever made me feel so wanted, so happy and so at peace with myself, I almost felt at home.

Perrie had never really achieved that. I did like her laughter. I did enjoy kissing her, fucking her and waking up next to her. But I ever felt like I couldn't go without.

Harry is different. Very different. He is challenging, honest, clumsy, shy, sweet and caring. And I think he gets me. I also think I get him.

Comparing every bit of the two, I am coming to the conclusion that I couldn't have been in love with Perrie. Fuck the two years she and I were a couple. Time doesn't say shit. I might have loved the idea of being in love with her, but I simply wasn't. She noticed that. Liam probably noticed it as well, just I had to stay clueless.

And Harry, I have only known him for what, maybe four or five days and somehow, he has got me thinking about him like I have never thought about anyone else in my life.

Smoking in deeply, I exhale again, enjoying the little nicotine hit. Harry hates smoking. He told me. But right now, I really need a cig right now. Besides, why do I care if Harry hates smoking? I shouldn't care! Damn. This really wasn't supposed to happen! I wasn't supposed to catch feelings, this is really defeating the purpose!

But I want him. Not just for a few more days.

My hands are shaking a bit, as I take out the phone of my jacket, searching for Harry's contact. Hesitantly, I press call, hoping he won't decline it.

All I want right now, I to see him. To see him, to kiss him and then explain all the shit I have just been thinking. If only he'll answer.