Dreams

Chapter 12.

Anakin's POV

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I sat down on one of Padmé's couches, wrapping my cloak tightly around myself as I stared blankly at nothing. The transmitter was still in my hand, still warm from its recent use. I was on the Jedi Council, but I hadn't told Obi-Wan. The bomb that had blown up was partly my fault, and I hadn't told Obi-Wan. I hadn't been injured terribly for some reason, and I hadn't told Obi-Wan. I was concerned for him, I wanted to know what he was doing, I wanted to know if I could help, I was having horrible dreams, I was exhausted and frustrated and confused, and ... I hadn't told Obi-Wan.

Sighing heavily, I dropped my face into my hands, feeling guilt and helplessness as they mixed with loneliness. How badly I wanted to talk to Obi-Wan again. How badly I wanted to send him another transmission and talk to him about everything. But for some reason, I didn't. I didn't know why.

"Ani? Ani, are you okay?" the gentle voice of my beloved wife split through the dark cloud of doubt that was hanging over me, and I felt her soft touch on my shoulder. Her presence was like a gentle salve to the raw and burning wounds in my heart.

I sat back, looking up quickly and dropping my hands into my lap. I tried to smile at her. "Sorry, Padmé. Don't worry about me. I'm just-just having it a bit rough at the moment."

She sat next to me, curling her fingers into mine. "What is it, Ani? This isn't about the bomb, is it? I know you told me when you first came here that you were okay, but I'm just wondering," she finished sceptically, eyeing me suspiciously.

I gazed at her adoringly for a few moments before kissing her on the top of her head. Then I leant my forehead against hers, staring deep into her eyes. "It's not about any injuries I sustained from the bomb. A bunch of stuff happened today. I didn't tell you that the Jedi have promoted me to become a Council member, did I?"

She sat back, her face lighting up. "No, you didn't! Ani, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you! Did something particular prompt them to, or did they just decide it was time?"

I looked down, playing with her hands that were laced with mine. "Actually, the chancellor asked for me to be his representative. The Council said yes." I fell silent, stroking her delicate fingers.

"But?" she asked gently, ducking down slightly so that I moved my gaze back onto her.

"They haven't allowed me the rank of Master."

She frowned a little. "That's odd. I didn't know you could do that."

I sighed. "I didn't know you could either: it's never been done before. I don't know why they haven't allowed it."

"That sounds frustrating," she said sympathetically. "I'm sure they'll grant the title when the time's right."

I smiled and kissed her. "You sound like Obi-Wan." Then I stood up and helped my wife to her feet. "Please, never leave me, Padmé. I love you."

She watched me for a moment, her eyes flicking between mine. "I love you, too."

"You should get some sleep," I murmured, my eye taking in the tiredness that was etched into her beautiful features.

"You should, too," she responded, her eyes picking out the weariness in mine. "Ani, what is it? You're not happy. What's on your mind?"

A lot.

I miss Ahsoka. I miss Obi-Wan. I'm on the Council, but I don't know why I'm not a Master. If I was faster, I could have stopped that bomb from blowing up. The Jedi Temple is badly damaged. People are injured. I could have done something. I keep dreaming about you dying. I don't know what happens to our baby. I had nightmares about my mother, like these ones I'm having about you. She died. What will happen to you?

I looked down. "I-I've got some things going through my head, Padmé. Hopefully, they'll work out, though."

"I'm here to help," she said earnestly, her hands an ever-present comfort on my shoulders.

"Just knowing that you're here helps." I smiled. "Now, I think it must be bedtime."

She nodded, but it still took her a few moments to step back and start getting ready to sleep. After she had changed, she emerged from the bedroom, running a brush through her curly hair. "So, what was Obi-Wan calling about?"

I leant against the back of one of the couches, gazing out at the city below me. "He was asking if I was okay."

"And what did you tell him?"

I didn't move my eyes from the window. "I said I hadn't come off too badly from the explosion."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her watching me, her brush hovering mid-air. "Did you tell him ... anything else?"

Did I tell him that I'm frustrated? No. Did I tell him that I'm confused? No. Did I tell him that I'm worried sick about Padmé? Did I tell him that I'm annoyed at myself for not getting the bomb faster, that I'm missing Ahsoka, that my whole world feels like it's caving in, taking me with it? Did I tell my best friend and mentor that I've been promoted to the Council, but I'm not a master? Did I tell him any of that? No. No, I didn't.

I hesitated before offering almost timidly, "I-I told him that I'd had a hard day." Then I glanced across at her and smiled. "You are so beautiful."

She laughed. "Stop it, Ani! I'm sure you give me more praise than I deserve."

I stepped close to her, wrapping my arms around her. "I'm not. I don't think I give you enough."

She gazed into my eyes lovingly for a while before giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Come on, then. Let's get you changed and get you to bed."

I smiled. "Yes, Mom."

She shot me a look but smiled when she caught my cheeky grin. "Goodnight, Ani!"

"Goodnight, Padmé."

As she went to her room, I called after her, "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!"

I paused. "Goodnight?"

"Goodnight, Ani!"

"Goodnight, Padmé."

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Ani's got a bunch of angsty feels today, doesn't he? Poor kid; he's beating himself up good! :( At least he's got Padmé ... even if he's worried he's going to lose her ... he still has her ... I guess .... :/

I was actually going to make this chapter longer, but when Anakin and Padmé got talking and stuff, I decided I'd split it into two. We might have had a very looong chapter, otherwise. :)

Thanks for the reads and comments! It's so great hearing your thoughts ^.^ And we're at 150 reads! Thanks so much!