Dreams

Chapter 28.

"Anakin, I sense the Dark Side ... in you."

My eyes widened, and for the briefest moment a single emotion cracked through the sea of ice: pain.

They were in front of me, unsuspecting, mostly asleep or dozing off. But I ignited my lightsaber, hearing its familiar hum as I raised it to my shoulder, preparing to strike. Tears of frustration and grief slipped unbidden over my cheeks. She had just died. And it was their fault.

Power surged through me, fuelled by my fury and anguish, the raw strength like nothing I had ever experienced. 

Then I swung my saber.

I desperately pulled myself from the memory, grappling with the past and the present, trying to bring myself back to reality. My body trembled as I gripped the crate I was sitting on. Ahsoka sensed the Dark Side. She actually sensed it in me. Why could she sense it? Maybe it had always been there. But she had just come back. Was she about to leave because of it? Was I dangerous? My mind flashed back a year ago, when I was struggling with memories of my mother. She had died two years earlier.

"Master!" Ahsoka's voice broke into my thoughts, and I was jolted into the real world, back onto the planet Tatooine, having been immersed in a memory of my mother.

I looked around desperately as I tried to get a grasp on the situation. My padawan was engaged in a lightsaber duel with Asajj Ventress, Count Dooku's Sith apprentice, and things weren't going to plan. Asajj was putting all her strength and power behind her blades, and Ahsoka was struggling. To make things worse, a pair of thugs who were with Asajj had almost got their guns sorted and were beginning to take aim.

I was glued to spot, frantically trying to make all the decisions that needed making. My brain was screaming one thing, the Force yelling another, and my body saying nothing. Memories kept flashing before my eyes, totally unrelated and yet emotionally explosive. Ahsoka was having more and more trouble fighting, and the thugs were circling around, getting Ahsoka into the middle of a deadly triangle.

My heart was pounding, and I was feeling helplessly dizzy, but I kept trying to force myself to do something – anything. I couldn't lose Ahsoka, too. Not when I could do something about it. Memories mixed with the present, and I could feel the Force swirling and thickening around me. Blood thundered in my head, and power, though unasked for, began brewing inside me. My hands started to tremble, and I couldn't stop it as it spread up my arms and down into my body, so that my entire being was shaking. I could do something about it ....

"You are the Chosen One ...," the chancellor's words from earlier came back to me. "You have so much potential ... immense power that is inside you ... perhaps you could have saved ...."

Then I let it go.

Again, I forced myself back into the present, feeling dizzier by the minute as power surged through my body, invigorating my every limb and heightening my movements. Could I only contain and focus this power, I felt I could take on the world. Then reality crashed down on my shoulders again as I remembered Ahsoka's words. "I sense the Dark Side ... in you." With this power and with the Dark Side, I would be so very dangerous. I had almost killed my friends when I let that power go all that time ago. Add the Dark Side to the mix, and I could become lethal – well, more lethal than I already was. I had done a horrifically efficient job with those Tuscan raiders three years ago. What was to say I wouldn't do the same with my friends?

Fear and uninvited anger started clawing at my heart, pleading for my attention.

"What about Ahsoka?" they whimpered. "She just came back! If you stick around her, with this power and the Dark Side festering inside you, you might hurt her, and then who's to say she won't leave again? Run away! Run while you still can!"

"But I want to stay," I argued with myself. "I'm so happy to see her!"

"You're happy to see she's alive," my emotions countered. "If you want her to remain that way, wouldn't you be best to take yourself out of the situation? Then you can't hurt her!"

"But she's only just back," I continued weakly. "Shouldn't I make the most of that?"

"Remember why she left?" the anger stepped up, barking arrogantly in my head. "The Jedi didn't trust her. Now they don't trust you. Use this power of yours! It comes and goes, so use it while you still can and get back at the Jedi for everything they've done to wrong you! If Chancellor Palpatine is right, and they want control of the Republic, then wouldn't you be justified in taking over the Jedi? You could make things the way you want them to be! You might even become powerful enough to save your wife!"

"Anakin!" the voice of one I loved smashed into my thoughts, yanking me from my internal world.

I tried to focus my blurry vision on the person kneeling in front of me, tried not flinch from the hand on my knee, tried to pull myself back into reality. I found two blue eyes staring into mine, an earnest worry dancing in them.

"Anakin, what is it?" Ahsoka asked in concern. "What's wrong?"

Fear screamed in my ear, begging me to get away, to leave Ahsoka alone, to keep myself from her. I was dangerous. She had just come back. I didn't want to scare her away again. I didn't want to lose her again.

I pulled away from Ahsoka, scrambling to my feet and backing away from her. Ahsoka was one of my best friends ... and I didn't want to be the one to hurt her.

I turned. And I ran.

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Hmm, are you right, Ani? Should you really be running away? Or is that just going to make things worse?

I do really like Ahsoka here: she's a voice of reason and stability in a shaking world. Sadly, however, Anakin will be Anakin, and he's afraid of himself, so he's pushing her away. Let's hope Ahsoka isn't deterred by this .... :}

Did anyone recognize the excerpt from Memories? :) (paragraphs 7 through 12) 

I really appreciate you reading, and I hope you're having a good time! Thank you so much for taking the time to read, vote, and/or comment! ^o^