Dreams

Chapter 32.

"A-anakin, please! Help me!"

"I'm sorry, Master, but I'm not coming back."

"ANAKIN! Snap out of it!"

"Anakin, I sense the Dark Side ... in you."

I opened my eyes a crack, then squeezed them shut again as pain thundered in my head from the light. What seemed blinding to me was probably actually rather dim. I couldn't tell the difference.

"Master," a voice called softly from just next to me, and I became aware of a familiar presence. I sneaked my eyes open a fraction, wincing as the throbbing in my head doubled. But as I got used to the dim lighting, the pain subsided to a rhythmic ache.

I managed the smallest smile as my eye rested on the Togrutan teen sitting beside me. "Hey, Snips."

She watched me, her blue eyes, normally bright and excited, now dull and weary. She forced a smile, but I could sense her unease and discomfort.

As I tried to figure out what was wrong, I started sitting up slowly but stopped, gasping in agony as pain exploded in my body. Crumpling into a loose ball, I lay still, panting as I waited for the pain to simmer down. Eventually it did, leaving with me with a grumbling ache in my right shoulder and in my head.

I felt a gentle hand on my arm and gritted my teeth as pain nibbled under her touch. She quickly retracted her fingers, feeling my pain through the Force. I heard her sigh.

"Anakin ... what's going on?" Her voice sounded sad, tired, even ... disappointed?

I let out a breath, then tried again to sit up, this time being more cautious. I succeeded without too much pain, sinking against the building I was beside. Before answering her question, I took a moment to figure out where I was. Darkness engulfed the whole area, and the ground, littered with pebbles and scraps, was comprised of hard stone. A second building ran parallel to the one I sat against, landing us in some secluded back-alley. Judging from the speeders and small ships whizzing above us, I guessed we were still on Coruscant ... still on Coruscant; where on the planet had we been before?

I closed my eyes as I tried to remember what had been going on. My mind drifted back to the previous room I had been in, and slowly it came back to me: the trial ... the Jedi ... the verdict ... the power.

My eyes snapped open again as power surged through my body again, causing me to tremble all over. I crunched my fists into tight balls, trying to suppress the unused power.

Ahsoka shied backwards slightly, her eyes narrowed as she scanned me quickly.

"Get away from her," a voice in my heart whispered. "Look at her face. Doesn't she look scared? And what's she scared of? Who is she scared of?"

I started scrambling away from Ahsoka, spurred on by the fears and doubts in my mind. She wasn't happy. I didn't want her to be unhappy. So, if I removed myself from the equation, maybe she would be happy again. I was dangerous. I didn't want to hurt her. I really, really didn't want to hurt her.

"No, Anakin ...," she tried to protest, but I wasn't listening. I was just getting away.

I dragged myself to my feet, ignoring the pain in my body and throbbing in my head, the power that bubbled inside me supporting me more than I wanted to admit. I had been working to control the shaking and trembling in my limbs, but that only seemed to translate the power into fire in my blood. But I was learning to contain and focus it. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

I fled down the dark street, throwing my mental shields up as high as I could, and dashed down an alleyway, feeling adrenaline flooding my system. I slipped into the shadows of the night, my eyes wide, every muscle tense, and pressed myself against a wall. And I listened ... and listened.

A piece of paper tumbled past, rustled by a light breeze. A small creature hunted through a pile of trash. Speeders hummed through the airspace. A siren wailed a few blocks away.

I slowly let out a breath, relaxing slightly. I couldn't hear Ahsoka. I must have lost her.

Sliding down the wall, I carefully tucked my knees to myself, breathing hard. I should have been exhausted, but the power that still rampaged through me seemed to offer renewed strength and vigour. Could I take on the world? Maybe. If I tried, I felt I could do anything. Maybe I could even save my wife.

For a few minutes, I sat still, listening to the sounds around me and feeling the beating of my heart gradually, very gradually, decreasing its rapid rate.

 And I thought. 

And I thought.

And I thought some more.

I thought about the past: my mother's death, the bombing of the Jedi Temple, and Ahsoka's trial.

I thought about the present: Ahsoka's return, Obi-Wan's absence, and my trial.

And I thought about the future: my nightmares about Padmé, what I was to do now that I was expelled, and whether Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would ever want to see me again. I was dangerous. Both of them had been there with me when I had almost let out the power today. Both of them had been there, around a year ago, when I had let it go on Geonosis, in Petranaki arena. They knew how dangerous I could be.

I sighed, hugging my knees to my chest, ignoring the murmurings of pain. I felt so alone. It felt like the whole world had turned against me; I didn't know what my friends thought of me. Even if they hadn't given up on me, I didn't know if I could trust myself around them. 

Wrapping my arms around my knees, I buried my face in my sleeves. Frustration had been creeping in like a hidden shadow, and it hadn't shut the door behind it. Seeing the open doorway, anger had wandered in like it owned the place, though it did quieten down when I gave it a hard stare. Betrayal and grief had invited fear to join, and finally, dogpiling on top of all the rest, loneliness came and smothered nearly every other rational thought. I liked people, and it hurt me when I felt rejected and shunned by them. I could have sought out Ahsoka, but until I was more confident about controlling this power, I didn't want to get too close to her. All I needed was to get a fright, and I could cause some serious damage and injury.

I hadn't moved a muscle in nearly ten minutes, but I didn't care. Hopeless barely even began to describe my feelings, and motivation seemed more like a dream than an attainable attribute. Where was I to go? The Jedi probably assumed I would be spending the rest of my days in prison ... or worse.

I crunched my mech hand into a tight ball as an angry flame spurted in my heart. How could they? How could they treat me like this? How could it have come to this? Wasn't Chancellor Palpatine talking about something similar to this situation? "All who gain power are afraid to lose it." Surely, surely, the reason that the Jedi expelled me wasn't because they had seen the power inside me and were afraid that I might overthrow them. Surely they wouldn't do that!

I clenched and unclenched my fist, caught away by my dark musings. Though I didn't reach a conclusion as to what was going on, my thoughts did remind me of one person who I still trusted – someone who always seemed to have my back. Maybe I would go see him. Maybe he could help me out of this mess.

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Not good, not good, really not good! Poor Ani! Things are not looking good for you! Please please don't push your friends away!! :[

And um sigh, he's going to see an old friend, isn't he? This might not end well. :/

Thank you so much for reading, it's much appreciated! We're over 500 reads! Thanks so much, everyone! ^o^ We'll probably be switching to Obi next chapter, so sit tight Obitine shippers; we might get to see some sweetness and fluff. :)