for nothing? | a thirteenth doctor angst oneshot

「For Nothing?」

She stood there, on top of the broken matrix. The thing that had culminated every single timelord memory and record; every feeling and sensation that they ever experienced. The Doctor felt everything when she was forced into it, forced to learn about a past she didn't remember, one she didn't even want. She'd listened to her past-self, Doctor Ruth, her mind cruelly supplied her, and blown out the matrix, shown it every single thing the Doctor had done in her entire run. Too much for the thing to handle.

Her head ached, pounded and throbbed, and she was so so tired. Her body was sore, and she wanted so badly to rest, but she couldn't. She had a stoic, hard look on her face, hopefully hiding the genuine emotions swirling within the timeladies body.

When the Master goes on his spiel about how he'd broken her, she shook slightly, the tremble evident in her hands and legs. She believed him somewhat because it was true. The Doctor wanted to lie to herself and say she was given a gift, that this made her more. The timelady didn't want this.

When she brought out the explosive and held it out in front of her, she watched as the Master begged for her to detonate. She trembled fiercely, and she started to sweat. The fear coursed through her body as it had before, but unlike before, it couldn't be fixed. She'd die with this kind of hopeless, encompassing fear running through her body like this. All her fury was drowned out, and she wishes she could have that instead of this sickly, venomous terror.

When she lowered the bomb, she felt a tear try to escape her eye before she blinks it away. Her face is despondent, and her anxiety rises when the Master sighs, disappointed.

"Oh Doctor, the universe will suffer for your weakness. I'll make sure of it. But let's start with your new friends, eh?" the other timelord laughs and broadly gestures to behind her. She wants to reply sardonically, but her eyes widen when she realizes what the man meant. The Doctor hears struggling and distressed voices behind her and turns, afraid. The woman's eyes focus on the four last humans being held forcibly by four Cybermasters. Ko Sharmus, Yedlarmi, Pavio and Ethan all stood, frightened, and in pain.

"No-! No!" she cries and tries to step in the direction they're in but stops when the Cybermasters holding them hold their armed arms to their heads, ready to blow.

"Picked them up in the little TARDIS you tried to steal. One TARDIS not enough for you? Was mine not enough for you either, Doctor?" he laughs aloud and claps his hands, making the timelady jump. "Have such an ego, more than me! That's something you've always had over me," he spins in his spot and shakes in excitement. The woman lets the fury that had been buried mix and swirl with the fear terrorizing her body. "Anyways, I had them picked up from the TARDIS. Unfortunately, your other little friends got away. Boohoo, I'll find them sometime anyways, so more fun for me, I guess."

"Let them go, or I'll detonate," she feels some misplaced relief that her fam was back on Earth. But she needed to get the last humans from Earth home safely with them. On another TARDIS. She wants to laugh at the thought of having to steal another TARDIS. The timelord next to her was right. But she doesn't and takes a shaky inhale instead.

The Master lets out a sudden, short booming laugh. "I highly doubt that Doctor, seeing as you're a coward," he starts, and turns towards the last humans, "Such a big ego for such a fearful little shit," he spits out the last word like it was a disgusting piece of food. He let the little bit of emotion that wasn't sadistic joy at pure distress out, before turning to the woman with a face of petulant rage.

She snarls, her rage simmering and growing again. She marches towards the Master. He grimaces and steps back playfully.

He then smirks after she stops her advance, "Shoot them."