Never Again

Sweven

KABANATA 1

Nurturing what's best for you is the smartest move to love yourself, I've learned and monitor my growth throughout the pain started. I can still do things that I am scared of since I've learned, 'cause I put faith and confidence in it. But I still need support, trust, and inspiration.

I think being alone is the most relaxing and natural medicine to yourself. As a person who is sensitive, emotional, and has anxiety, I can say this helps to clear my mind. I got to spend time with myself, I got to talk to myself, I got to understand more of myself, I came up with ideas that it's necessary to realize, and most importantly I learned to be mature. To stand up alone. But it still depends on people...on what they need, what can help them.

I've been single for almost twenty years of my existence, and I thought I've done good enough and learned enough to handle things but I was wrong, not until love will teach you. Experiencing tragic moments...as long as it gives you an impact on your life, it'll teach you more. You'll get stronger and smarter.

It's been over five months since my last talk with Trent, and uhh I just said it for these monologue purposes. Anyway, I didn't let myself be devastated about it. Yes, what happened between us is a big slap for me, but what's good is I eventually fully accept it. And that is why I'm happy with my life without him, still I cannot deny the fact that, that was heartbreaking.

After the stupid phone call, I watched a movie and made a midnight snack. Then, the clock hits at 10:30 pm, I immediately cleaned myself up before going to bed.

I dreamt of killing Trent brutally...and burning my vintage car! However, at the end of my dream...there was this man...A familiar man which I couldn't believe he showed up in my dreams randomly.

He had this grim look while waving at me inside his car. Then, everything went black.

Ba't ba ganon ang panaginip ko? I don't wanna be a psychotic bitch. I don't wanna burn my vintage car and mostly I don't wanna see him, ugh! What I did there was cruel and very disturbing. I don't have a plan to sabotage myself. But I wonder, is this the result of me being obsessed with serial killer documentaries? I don't know.

Bumangon ako at sinapo ang noo ko, tiningnan ko ang orasan sa lamesa. 7:40 am.

Tumayo na ako at inayos ang kama ko. Pumunta ako sa bathroom para mag labas ng likido, mag hilamos, at mag mumog.

After that, I went downstairs. Our kitchen is empty, no one's here. By this time Papa and Mama are at work and I bet my Brothers have already left. After I finished eating I went back to my room to prepare everything.

Pagkatapos ko maligo I went to my walk in closet. I chose an outfit and I'm going to wear vintage Christian Dior John Galliano Fall 2008 newspaper wrap top, for the pants it's going to be my Bottega Veneta leather cuff pants in black and for my shoes I'm going to wear the Yeezy season 7 pvc sandals and then my bag is going to be my Hermes birkin 25 vert de gris salvator lizard with palladium hardware rare and I'm going to wear also my Linda Farrow angelica cat eye sunglasses in black.

I curled my hair and I did my simple makeup. I also put accessories, like watches and rings.

After the human transformation, I sprayed some Good Girl by Carolina Herrera and I put it in my bag. I went outside to go to my fashion studio.

I have lots of errands to do, as always. And at this moment I'm down to the one gown that it's almost done.

"Good morning, Ma'am Behati." Nakangiting bati sa akin ng mga workers ko na nadaanan ko sa Behati Bladt Cafe & Restaurant at sa Behati Collection.