CHASING SUNRISE

Chapter 14: The Breakup

I just came home from Ed's first big game as a professional football player of Rams. We were so happy, when his team won. He may have a very limited time playing, but our excitement and happiness is overwhelming. I even wore his Jersey No. 22 to become his Number 1 fan cheering on him on that stadium. I even cried when I saw him on the court, I'm so proud of him. At last he's dreams are starting to come true.

I skipped my classes today. Even some of the other days, because I feel like I don't want to come to school. I don't know. I'm starting to feel burn out. I'm struggling and having a hard time understanding my goal. What do I want? Am I really doing the right thing? I applied for a job as a cashier in a diner just to make me satisfied. But it's still the same.

Aeon, we are having a hard time dealing with our LDR issues, the time zones, our studies, and him still coping to be away from me. I'm trying to tell him everything, but every time I told him my problems, he would always tell me to at least try because he's trying. I don't think he really understands me. Luckily, Edward is with me, though he's busy, he would always be around to listen and support me.

But Edward became our biggest issue, Aeon began to demand more time. I end up not telling him of my problems, and just tell him I'm okay, and he became more furious because I make time for Ed, and neglect my girlfriend duties to him, resulting to pointless arguments. Sometimes, I just stare at my phone, and opt not to answer his text or calls, avoiding to hear his frustrated, angry voice. I have sleepless nights and crazy days, just thinking how to overcome everything.

And today happens to be one of those days, I didn't call or text him. He has 20 missed calls already. I didn't plan on telling him about this game, to avoid any misunderstandings. Only to find out that the short amount of happiness after the game will turned out to be the start of my life's dreadful misery.

Hi Ae,

Celine, finally! Don't you know how many calls I made today?

Right, I'm sorry.

Don't you have anything to say aside from sorry? I'm already tired of us Celine, but I'm still trying because I love you. but we can't go on like this, do you think, there still a future for the two of us?

Are you breaking up on me?

This might be the right thing to do.

Is it what you want?

He sighed.

Right. Then Goodluck!

I laugh after ending his call. I couldn't believe it. Am I dreaming? It's like a bomb, I can hear its tik tok but I didn't realize that it's going to explode on my face. I'm so numb, it's not yet sinking. Until the laugh turned into weeps of despair. It's so painful, like a knife that keeps stabbing me in the heart. Painful than the day when Chad called me to announced that Ed had a girlfriend. I don't know, there is so much pain everywhere. I cried all night until I was drained and fall into sleep.

The next day's becomes hell. I became a living zombie. Doesn't want to eat, sleep, and don't want to see anyone. I locked myself in my room. Until Edward came after a week, and saw my current state. He was so worried, he even cried for not being there for me. I did not report to school for a week. When I came back, I focused on my studies. I became like a robot, no emotion. Its only Ed who I talked to, until Lance came back when he started to find a job near my school. These two became my knight and shining armor. They help me to stand again until I get to my own feet.

I was able to graduate on time. Thankfully, but the old, bubbly, happy Celine of Aberdeen never came back. I became the cold, timid, distant Celine of Stanford. I pursue Law, and dream to become a Lawyer. I wanted to become the very best of myself.

I never heard anything again from Aeon, or to Matt, Chris or Bern. Not for a long time. Until the first opening of Grey Street Bread three years after. They were invited, they came, but I went there the day after the opening. I wasn't ready. He is already a successful businessman. Same with his three friends, while me, still a law student.

I forgot almost everything about him, but the pain will never be forgotten easily. I forgive him, but I am still blaming myself from everything. I just wish he became more understanding, open minded and he trusted me, but he didn't. And the saddest part, he left me at the lowest part of my life, created a crater and even digs me down deeper.