Chapter 1 - No Distractions

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I think that one of these days...you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute...

I read those lines over and over. I knew where I wanted to go. But I couldn't. I couldn't, because the thought of it brought me a fear like no other.

I tossed the book aside and looked glumly around my room. My eyes wandered to the posters I had on my wall. They were of movies like the Endless Summer and Chasing Mavericks, but instead of the excitement they used to bring me, all I got was a sense of hopelessness.

My gaze moved to the corner of my room, falling on the surfboard which leaned against the wall. My mom had met Kieran at the beach and let him bring it over, after I'd gone to the hospital. Emily told me he'd brought it up himself.

Kieran and I weren't close, but we were friendly. We'd see each other a lot out on the waves and would sometimes chat on our boards when there was nothing to surf. He was carefree and always positive, somebody that could turn your bad day into a good one just by talking.

I wasn't sure how I felt knowing he'd been to my house. I never got to thank him for helping me out of the water, but I'd only left the hospital a few days ago and I was sure he'd be at the beach.

My board had a simple design, painted white with a thick teal line outlining the edges. I hadn't moved it down to the garage yet, I was too afraid to touch it.

Every time I looked too long, it'd pull me back underwater. Where the ocean was red and I was choking on my own blood.

The sound of my parents yelling broke me out of my trance and I sat up straighter, trying to listen to what they were arguing about. It was mostly muffled but eventually I heard my name and my interest peaked. I got out of bed, leaving my room to tiptoe to the end of the hallway above the stairs.

"You can't be spending money on shit like that Mary, we have thousands in hospital bills to pay off! What the fuck were you thinking?!"

"So take less time off! So what, now we're not allowed to get anything nice anymore? It's not like this won't benefit Oli too, he needs some cheering up after everything—"

"You're talking as if you spent a second by his side while he was in the hospital, you barely spent three minutes with him today before you left this morning! I can't take less time off, somebody needs to watch him while he gets better!"

My dad and I were close, but I thought this was a bit much. I knew he was coming from a good place, but I wasn't a cripple and I had friends to keep me company. I didn't have a problem with him taking time off, but when it was because of me it made me feel like a burden.

"He didn't want to see me, and how dare you bring up the hospital! How could I bring myself to go inside when that's where my mother died?!"

"He almost fucking died there Mary!"

My stomach turned slightly. I knew what had happened would strain their relationship, but I didn't expect them to bring it into their daily arguments.

With a quiet sigh, I'd decided that I'd heard enough and walked to Emily's room, knowing she'd be upset. I tuned out my mother's voice while hoping our neighbors wouldn't call the police again with another noise complaint.

After cracking her door open, I saw Emily's small figure covered in her favorite flower-patterned blanket. She was on her side and only the top of her head was visible, but I heard a loud sniff and went to sit beside her.

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