Never//Cameron Boyce

Chapter 25- Kats writing

*Kathy's POV*

2 days. 2. Since the incident. I cant believe how everything  just went back to normal. 2 days must be enough time to forget the unforgotten. To tell a new story after an already told one. Well you get the point. I spent most of my time now a days just writing. I have written about a lot.

No words
Just actions
No kisses
Just love
No hate
Just anger
No sadness
Just tears
No faith
Just fear
Nothing but
The real
Compared to life
This is the truth
The unforgetting truth
Nothing
Just us

How can i forget?
To forget
Is to be forgotten
Being forgotten
Is to be lost
To be lost
Is to have no place
Where are you when you are forgotten?
You are a memory
You are the forgotten
You are now in the past
How can i forget what can not be forgotten...

The perks
They are gone
Whats the perks any more?
Life is just life
Its just living now
Perks?
Yeah right...

A smile
A smile is just a smile until
The tears are shown
Until the blood flows
Until the screams become silent pleads
Until you cant any more
A smile is a fraud
Until its time to show

By that point i lost it. I stopped writing and cried. For days i cried. I wouldnt leave Matts room. The guys thought that i was cutting again because of how much i pushed them away. But they didnt realize that this was me. I push people away. I grabbed my journal of course and started to write.

Truth be told
Thats when the tears will flow
My ocean will be there
My rain will fall
Truth be told
I will yell
I will make earth quakes happen
The floor beneath me will shake
Truth be told
My world  will end
My whole existene will end
Truth be told
I wont handle it...

When i run dont follow
I will lead to the unknown
The places i go
Are places that harm

 I stopped writing and got out of bed. I opened the door and peered out of the room. I walked out of the room and went to the kitchen. Matt was sitting in the kitchen as i went in. He looked at me and smiled at me.
Matt:Look at who finally came out of the room!!
Me:Eh... I'm heading back after i get my snacks...
I grabbed my snacks that Matt had gotten me. I winked at him and went to the room. But i heard footsteps behind mine. i kept walking until i felt arms wrap around my waist and lift me up. I started to yell and they put me down. I turned around and wrapped my arms around Camerons's neck. He smiled at me and i smiled back. I  started to lean in and so did he. My lips connected with his and then i pulled off and looked at him. Matt stared into my eyes. I looked at him startled do to the fact that i just claimed to be kissing Cameron.

Matt held onto me as we looked into each others eyes. A whole week with him at this point. i giggled at him. Then i pulled off of and went back to his room. I threw my snacks onto the bed and sat down. I pulled out my journal and wrote... again.

The memories hit me
The thoughts embrace me
The feelings break me
How can you effect me?
why do you have this effect?
Make it stop
You are controling my days
I'm okay with out you
But with you everything is right
The memories torcher me
The thoughts welcome me
The feelings tear me apart
Why wont it stop?
How can i end it?

 When i'm with him
everything is clear
I know what i need
When i'm with you
Everything feels right
i know what i want
But i dont know which more right
I dont know what i really feel
tell me how to do this shit...

When i feel like it i will tell you
When i dont feel
As if you will hurt me
I will be with you.
ButI'm afraid...

I couldnt deal with this. I closed my journal and went to the bathroom and washed up. When i came out i closed the door and changed. I put on a white tank top, black jeans and my Vans. I put my hair into a side braid and left the room. I went to the living room where the guys were hanging out. They all looked at me as i entered the room.
Me:Can we please go out?
Taylor: Where do you want to go?
Me:Any where fun.
Nash: Universal Studios it is. Lets go.
I felt some one lift me up. I turned to see Cameron. I was now on his shoulders. We left the house which has been my first time in days that i have left the house.

I tried to just have fun with the guys. We went on a bunch of rides and had a lot of snacks. I couldnt help but try to keep being carried by the guys and they didnt care. While we were out my twitter was blowing up my phone. Lots of fans were calling me a "slut" , "bitch" and a bunch of other things that a truck driver would blush at. I tried not to cry in public so when the day was over and we got home i went to Matts room and cried.

I cant deal with anything. I went to the bathroom and looked for a blade. But of course i couldnt find one. I dont even know why people are acting like this towards me. i left Matts room and went to find him. I feel the tears starting to build up. I dont handle hate well even after being bullied. I found Matt and started to cry. He came towards me and grabbed me.
Me: Those girls who adore you... They're sending me hate....
Matt: Kat...
I pulled off of him and looked into his eyes.
Matt:Come on lets go back to the room.
Me: I have to go home to get something.
Matt: Want me to come?

I gave him a weary smile and he grabbed my hand. We left the house and headed over to mine. On the way over we had a few serious conversations that turned into jokes.
Matt:So what did you even see in that Cameron guy?
Me: I dont know. I was bullied by him for years and then all of a sudden i started to like him.
Matt: Thats makes no sense.
Me: Thats just me.
Matt: Thats probably while i like you. Because you make no sense at all...
Me: I have so many stories of me not making any sense through out my life
.He laughed and we kept walking until we ended up at the house.

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Hello my loves!!! How have you all been?!?! I have been horrrible i cut a few days ago... a month clean until 1/7. I wanna just cry everyday now. But i look forward to you guys so i try to control my self. Thanks for the 4.3 K reads my lovely's it means the world to me <3 Sorry for a short chapter though. I want you to know i might be writing a Matthew Espinosa fan fiction. And i want you you all to comment something really sweet please love's <3 I love you all for ever and always..
- Lina :*