Torn: The Decision |J•D|

09

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My phone pings for the fifth time, as I nudge the door open.  It's probably Victoria looking for me. Stumbling in barefoot and defeated, I toss my shoes and purse aside. My stomach aches with embarrassment, chest heavy with guilt. Tommy's voice echoing in my mind. "You weren't going to tell me, I know you. You're selfish."  His words stinging every time I hear them. I'm not selfish.  He has no idea how hard this has been for me. He knew about my feelings for Johnny. I mean who didn't?! Wasn't it obvious?  Whatever, I'm done thinking about this.

I mope deeper into the dim room, plopping face down on the bed. [Phone pings] Yeah, she's worried by now. I roll over to my back, checking my messages. Six messages, four from Victoria and two from an unsaved number.

I lack the mental capacity to talk to Vee right now. I know she's going to bombard me with questions and I'm not emotionally ready for an interrogation. I'll call her tomorrow, she'll understand.

Johnny.  I don't want to talk to him either. I mean I do, but not like this. He'll know something's wrong. Then I'll have to tell him why I'm upset and I don't want to tell him why I'm upset. Because I shouldn't be upset!  I did nothing wrong. Tommy's wrong! I was just trying to fix things and he made me feel like a shit person.

He had an unwanted possession over me. Always treating me like I was his, despite our relationship status. I didn't cheat on him, we were broken up. If he chooses to ignore that fact then that's not my problem. [sigh] I lay my phone against my chest, hitting the lock button.

Okay, I'm done thinking about it. Done.

I sit up grabbing the remote. I honestly don't feel like watching TV, but the background noise is nice. The TV comes on, showing a weather map with storms scattered across the screen."Looks like Texas and Mexico are get the bulk of the storm."   "Great" I go to the bathroom, starting the shower. I just want to shower and sleep. Can't wait to get out of here"

As I peel out of my soiled dress, I notice my dirt stained feet.  The corners of my mouth curl, remembering the feeling of the cold soil and Johnny's hot skin. Why bother being angry at Tommy when I can choose to be happy. I should be thinking of the special moment Johnny and I shared tonight. Relishing in the feeling.

I step under the hot water, letting the water sooth small aches from the day. Johnny looked so good tonight. I knew he'd look different but, fuck.  I mean how did he manage to stay single for eight years? Women must've been trying to get all over that. I turn around, letting the water run through my hair. Fingers massaging my scalp, remembering the way Johnny caressed my hair.

My hands slide down my neck, crossing over my chest then down to grope my breast. Following the blazing trail Johnny's hands left behind, reliving the heat, the passion, I begin to feel lightheaded. Johnny's always been the one for me. It's obvious, even he knows it. Tommy probably jumped on the first thing he could see after I was out of the picture.

I'm surpised he bothered doing relationship labels, since they don't matter. If she breaks up with him he'll probably threaten every new boyfriend she gets because his small ego cant stand to be threaten by another mans presence in my life.

I'm allowed to explore love like everyone else. I deserve to find happiness too.

I'm not selfish for wanting that.

"And what kind of name is Calla anyway"  She needs to stay in her place, I'm sure Tommy dosen't know she injected herself his business. If Tommy wants me to leave him alone, He'd tell me. What does he see in her? I mean she's pretty but, he's okay with her wearing next to nothing? She was a gust of wind away from flashing her vag at the party. I start imagining of all the nasty opportunities and possibilities Tommy most likely took advantage of tonight.

"Woah. okay, stop" I snap out of my thoughts, finishing my shower quickly. No more thinking tonight. just sleep.

-  M o r i n g  -

[phone ringing] I lift my head, swiping my arms under the pillows looking for my phone. Once I grab it, I flop to my back, croaking out an answer. "Hg-hello?"

"Good morning beautiful"

I jolt awake, clearing my throat. "Johnny- hey!"

"I'm sorry for waking you - I thought you'd be up" I sit up swiping my hair from my face, taking a glance at the clock. [12:57 pm] "No no, you didn't wake me. I was just uh doing some yoga" He chuckles "You do yoga now?"

I can't stop the grin from forming on my face. "Yeah, I do. Helps when I crash from my morning coffee"  He sounds so sweet, I can hear the smile in his voice.  "That's why I'm more of a tea kinda guy." Thank god he woke me, I need to get out of here if I want to catch my flight on time.

"Johnny can I call you when I get home, I need to pack and hurry out of here if I want to catch my flight."

"Where are you staying ?"

"The Hilton"
"Stay"
"Huh?"
"I mean stay there, I'll drive you to the airport. I want to see you before you go."
He wants to see me again. My chest flutters with nerves.
"Okay, I'm checking out in an hour"
"On my way"

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1. Melissa is...
2. Johnny is...
3. Predictions?