Daddy

4.

*3 Months*

-Laya A.-

I walked through our condo, Lov'e on my hip. I jogged down the steps, and Christian was laying on the couch, drinking Vodka straight out the bottle. "Um Trigga." I shake him. "What?" He slurs. "Me and Lov'e finn go." I tell him. "Where you going?" He stands. "To my best friend house." He nods, kissing my lips and Lov'e's head. The kiss was gross, left liquor on my lips. I put on Lov'e's jacket and Timbs considering it is 59° weirdly. I walked out the house, tryna hurry out Christian's presence. He been drinking, smoking weed and trippin' a lot. He spends most of his nights on the streets, but I got him back into it, so I can't be mad. I unlocked my Lexus, putting Lov'e in the back seat. "Vae we go see Aunty Tracy!? Yes?" I say tickling my little girl. She giggles, kicking her little legs. She getting so big, 6 more months she'll be one. Can you believe it?

I drove to my best friend's. I knocked and she opened the door with her pig. She the only girl I know with a mini pig, and actually wanted it. I walked inside, "Trace, wassup?" I ask. "Girl nothing." I was about to put Lov'e down, but her pig came near her. "It won't bite her will it?" I ask her, "Nah." Trace laughs, "Okay, cause C would kill me." I put Lov'e down, and took off her coat. She started playing with the pig, smh.

"So wassup?" Trace ask. "Girl...." I say shaking my head, "Tell me." After spilling all my held in emotions, I was in tears. "Well have you spoken to him about it?" Trace ask. "No, because I don't wanna make him feel worse or more stressed about me." I tell her, "Laya it's not all about pleasing Christian! You have needs too right!?" Tracey was mad now, I could tell. "I mean yeah Trace, but he's already hustling, worrying about me, Lov'e, the cops, Im trying to keep his life as stress free as possible!" I tell her. "Whatever Laya. You keep crying over that nigga if you want too! Why the fuck did you go back!?"  I stand up, grabbing Lov'e. "Because I love him. You don't know what that is because you never give anyone a chance!" I walk out.

When I got home, Christian was asleep in bed. I gave Lov'e a bath then put her in bed. I walked into our bedroom, showered and laid down. "Laya?" Christian mumbles. "Yes honey?" I ask. "I love you ma." I smile, "I love you too Christian." He pulls me into his arms and goes back to sleep.

***

The next morning when I woke up, Christian was already gone for the day. So I just showered and got Lov'e dressed. "Wanna go on a walk Vae? It's warm outside." I ask picking her up, I walked downstairs and put her in her swing. I made her a bottle and gave it to her little fat self. She could hold it so I made myself cereal. I heard the front door open, I got up and peeked around the corner seeing Christian. "Hey." I smile. He walked up to me with the straightest face before pushing me out the chair. "You still fucking around on me Laya!?" He grabbed my hair. What the fuck is he talking about!? "No Christian! Let me go please!?" I beg with tears. "Gio told me she caught you with Melvin!" Christian yells. "NO. CHRISTIAN PLEASE!?" I beg. He lets me go. "I didn't even fuck with Melvin! I haven't been with Melvin Christian. I love you and I haven't slept around on you. Why won't you trust me!?" I scream. "Cause you left before, fucked around on me before, you'll do it again!" I shake my head, "Im not going to leave you Christian!" I scream again, "How the hell do I know that Laya!? Huh? How!?" I look down and hear Lov'e crying.

"Cause if you loved me you would believe me!" I cry. I felt my tears began to roll, Christian looks at me before walking back to our room. I haven't slept around on Christian. I really love him and he won't believe me. I guess I fucked up all my trust when I left. I got Lov'e and still went on the walk around the neighboorhood. I listened to my music and walked. I felt  sad, and wanted to break down crying. I took Lov'e to the park and out her in a swing pushing her. I still can't believe Christian put his hands on me, that's not like him. He doesn't even tolerate violence, but that was after he stopped trapping. Now he back to it, and it seems it's making him violent.

I felt an arm around me. I see Christian. "Hey baby." He kisses my jaw. I flinched when he came towards me, "Ma I love you." He says. I look at the ground. "Laya." I look at him. "I said I love you." I just felt sick, I went to the trash can to throw up. "Come on. You finna go home." He got Lov'e out the swing and we walked back home. Christian put her to sleep then game downstairs and sat next to me. I felt sick again, when I get scared I get super sick, and throw up. "Laya." He says. I look over to him. "You okay?" I nod. "Why you throwing up?" He ask. "Scared." I answer. "Of what ma? Come here." He says patting his lap. Hesistantly, I sat on his lap. "What you scared of?" He ask putting his arms around my waist. "You Christian." I answer looking down. He looks away from me. "Why?" He ask. "You're being violent towards me." I tell him. "Look I was just mad." He says, "That's not an explanation, nor excuse." I tell him. "Baby Im sorry. Lemme make it up to you." He begs. "How Christian?" I ask. He lays me on the couch, climbing on my body. I still haven't had sex with Christian, weird right? I push his chest, "Nah." I say. "Why?" He ask. "No." I say firmly with more confidence this time. "You scared?" I nod, "Why ma? This the same as before Lov'e. I ain't changed." He kisses my neck, "I said no Christian." I snap. He nods and gets off me.

I go up and went upstairs just because Im still mad at him, I be damned if I let him put his penis in me for pleasure when Im mad. No. ✋✌