Getting Lost on the Roads of Life - a KakaSaku Story [CONCLUDED]

A Tenacious Little Thing

Days blurred into each other. There was sunshine everyday, teasing the edges of the heavy black curtains in Sakura's hospital room. It was possible that the world had exploded into bloom outside but her eyes needed the dark to heal. She was glad she didn't have to see the hope of spring, her favorite season, the new beginning of life... she would not be able to bear it.

She was staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, unable to do anything else, her limbs heavy, her heart an aching stone. There were voices outside, drawing nearer. She shifted slightly. A visitor? Tsunade didn't allow many, she got tired much too quickly.

The door was opened cautiously and for a short moment, the sweetest sunshine chased away the darkness.

"Sakura, my sweetling!"

Seeing her mother's worried face floating towards the bed and being enfolded into her warm, soft embrace did it: Sakura burst into tears, finding herself bawling her eyes out once again. But no need to feel embarrassed. This was her mother. She of all people would understand.

"Oh my poor baby," her mother cooed and stroked her hair, her back, showering kisses on her face. "Why do you have to go through such pain."

The thing was, she was even useless at pain. So much crying, but no reprieve. What a complete failure.

"Tsunade-sama talked to your father and me," her mother said softly, "it will take time for you to fully mend, but your face should be as good as new afterwards. The scars will barely be visible, she assured us."

Again, Tsunade had made sure to give hope like this. Sakura was grateful for it. If only she could believe it... All she could muster since opening her eyes was despair... and more despair, however hard she tried to take heart. She hadn't known such a dark, deep pit of depression existed and she sure did not know how to get out of it.

"Your eyesight should return back to normal too," her mother currently said, trying to sound chipper and supportive. "But it will take longer, so you must be patient."

Or it would stay like this, wouldn't it. They all knew but nobody said it. She would have to live with the world being too dark and not in focus, blurred at the edges of her vision to remind her every second of her life that she was missing something, was incomplete, would never be whole again. She had not known before this just how bad a violation of the mind could be... Genjutsu should be banned, every single one of the Illusionary Techniques should become forbidden jutsu.

"Tsunade thinks it might help if you got glasses for the time being?"

Sakura nodded dutifully. Sure. She would wear glasses. Who cared about glasses when...

"Mama, I'm pregnant," Sakura blurted out.

Her mother went very still. Then, she tightened her arms around her.

"Are you now! What a blessing. I've been hoping for a grandchild for quite some time ... Ino's mother made me very jealous with all that gushing about hers!"

Sakura loved her mother so, so much for managing to sound so warm and excited when she had to be surprised or even shocked about the news. A baby in a body so battered and a mind so broken.

"I might lose the baby," Sakura continued quickly, to ensure her mother understood that she couldn't get too attached to the thought of becoming a grandma, like she herself was trying to keep her emotions separate from the lump of flesh in her belly, "it's very early and my injuries..."

Just yesterday, she had bled. That's it, she had thought, staring at the red in the toilet, it's gone. She couldn't see it in there of course, it was that tiny. She would have wanted to see it though, to say a proper goodbye. She had managed not to cry, had stoically let herself be examined by Tsunade, her Shishou's worried face saying it all. What was the loss of a fetus that was a few weeks old anyway? She had only just discovered that it had started to grow inside of her. Why feeling attached to it?