[COMPLETED]
They say that love will make you happy, will make your eyes glisten with joy but what if it all bring is pain. They also say that love isn't selfish, love yourself fully before loving someone so is letting go count for it?
***
All Jamaic...
THE reunion went by at sobrang saya namin, sinulit ko na yun para magkwento sa kanila tungkol sa nangyari sa akin at about sa sakit ko. Nangiyak-ngiyak pa nga ako that time but Seb was my shoulder to lean on.
Sobrang sakit na magiging masaya na ako, nakamit ko na lahat, pero sa bandang huli masasaktan na naman ako. Lahat ba ng saya may kapalit na lungkot di ba pwedeng saya na lang at wala ng lungkot pero siguro kahit anong gawin ko ay mangyayari talaga ang dapat mangyari, ganyan talaga ang buhay.
Sumama sa akin ang mga barkada ko papuntang Japan. Pabisita bisita sila doon while staying sa hotel but most of the time natutulog si Seb sa tabi ko.
I always caressed his hair and face and murmur things like 'I hope one day sasaya rin tayo or the least ikaw' ngingiti ako pagkatapos ng mapait.
But the unexpected is yet to come.
I fell by the wayside, like everyone else
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
But I was just kidding myself
Our every moment, I start to replace
'Cause now that they're gone
All I hear are the words that I needed to say
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal but this won't
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
Was never the right time, whenever you called
Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all
Our every moment, I start to replay
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal but this won't
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
Would we be better off by now
If I'd let my walls come down?
Maybe I guess we'll never know
You know, you know
Before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go
I was listening to the song habang nanghihina akong bumangon habang inalalayan naman ako ni Seb para makaupo sa hospital bed ng maayos.
"Baby, I will peel this apple okay and eat it para mas lalo kang lumakas at lumaban" nakangiting sabi ni Seb sa akin pero alam kong pilit lang to.
Ang Leukemia ko ay naging stage 3 at nanghihina na ako, mahirap gumalaw at namamayat na ako ng sobra, nawala na din ang maganda at masagana kong buhok na gusto ng nakakarami. The society knows about my condition and I am thankful enough for their regards and prayers for me and they also never judged me but naging mas supportive ang fans ko. Seb was always there to take care of me, to show me his love and support.
"Baby, can you promise me?" tanong niya habang nagsimulang magbalat ng mansanas. Napatingin naman ako sa kanya pero nakayuko lamang siya.
"Yes, baby anything" sagot ko.
"I will let you go but you need to comeback to me, promise me na kakayanin mong mabuhay, magpapakasal pa tayo at magiging ina ka pa sa anak natin" umiiyak niyang sabi.
"Nanghihina na ako Seb but I will try to keep that promise of yours to come true" saad ko na tapos ngumiti.
Yinakap niya ako at bumulong.
"How I long for you to stay in my arms like this baby, I longed for you for years trying to hold back everything. I once lost you and I don't want that to happen again" sabi niya at nararamdaman kong nababasa na ang balikat ko, I know he is crying.
I was about to answer ng bigla akong nahilo hanggang sa bigla nalang akong nilamon ng dilim pero rinig ko pa ang pagtawag ni Seb sa doctor.
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PLEASE huwag ngayon, please. Nakatanaw lamang ako sa glass wall kung saan chinecheck ng mga doctor si Jamaica. Sobra ang takot at kaba ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Napapahagulhol nalamang ako dahil sa mga nangyayari, napanghihinaan na ako ng loob pero pinipilit kong maging matatag at kahit masakit ay titig na titig lamang ako kay Jamaica.
Dumating ang mga kaibigan ko at ang pamilya ni Jam kasama ang parents ko.
"Hijo, anong nangyari?" tanong ni Tita Jan, mama ni Jam.
"Bigla siyang nawalan ng malay" sabay turo ko sa kanya in the glass window ng biglang nanakip ang puso ko.
The line in the heart beat machine went straight line,
Means, wala na ang heartbeat niya.
No, this can't be happening.
Nawala ako sa kawalan pero dilat na dilat ako habang nakatingin sa babaeng mahal ko na nilalagutan ng hininga. Nakatingin lang ako sakanya pero rinig ko ang hagulhol nilang lahat habang ako dahan-dahang dumaosdos watching the woman I loved revived by the doctors.
Only thing I did, I cried.
#TCGone
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