Letters to my Ex

Naked

Putting my foot in front of the other took me a week, sounds crazy right? I know... well that's how It felt like, it was as if my right leg was wounded and I was limping ....was I crazy? NO! I did not loose my mind, I lost myself in the process of pleasing you. Do you know why?

Inside me You planted a seed of worthlessness. Just like a thorn Your unkind words pierced through my mind and heart leaving me empty and not having practical value.

I became an empty walking shell all because I feared loosing you but at what cost?

Because I lost you still... I lost you to your girlfriend, your family and friends.
To you I amounted to nothing, all what I did for you was in vain. Was it for love or Iife challenges forced my hand?

Both, I stayed because I thought what we had was love I guess I did not know what love was, I thought love wasn't kind and I was in a situation whereby problems were my only friend. I guess life gave me lemons but I did not know how to make lemonade.
Did that give you authority to make a fool out of me?

No! I was young and naive, you took advantage of my age. To be quite frank I lacked life experience.

Inside of me lived a young, vibrant, ambitious and amazing woman however on the outside lived an old lacking life, determination and admiration woman. I became a "I'm old but young at heart kinda woman" fact of the matter is I was young damn you man, I was a teenager after all... I felt the way I did because of you. My feelings were a great contradiction to who I was.

From the day I met you, you changed how I actually looked at myself... Low self esteem?

Yes you created a woman I didn't know who lacked confidence so so much that she couldn't even walk on the streets with her head held high.

A stranger lived my life for me. A life I couldn't understand nor explain. The choices you made brought nothing but unbearable pain into my life. Your language of doing things was foreign to me, I did not understand it all.

The only language that was friendly to me was tears... I cried like an unstoppable train but that changed nothing, you just kept on making your selfish decisions to an extend that I couldn't even look myself in the mirror because deep down I knew that what I saw wasn't the real me... Yes something died in me that I couldn't even take care of my own looks anymore.

You walked into my life, awaken my feelings just to break me into pieces and left me bleeding internally and no one I mean nobody noticed or knew that I was dying inside slowly and slowly. Yes you killed and buried my inner being.

You stripped all of me out of me and left me figuratively naked.
Inside out...