Putting my foot in front of the other took me a week, sounds crazy right? I know... well that's how It felt like, it was as if my right leg was wounded and I was limping ....was I crazy? NO! I did not loose my mind, I lost myself in the process of pleasing you. Do you know why?
Inside me You planted a seed of worthlessness. Just like a thorn Your unkind words pierced through my mind and heart leaving me empty and not having practical value.
I became an empty walking shell all because I feared loosing you but at what cost?
Because I lost you still... I lost you to your girlfriend, your family and friends.
To you I amounted to nothing, all what I did for you was in vain. Was it for love or Iife challenges forced my hand?Both, I stayed because I thought what we had was love I guess I did not know what love was, I thought love wasn't kind and I was in a situation whereby problems were my only friend. I guess life gave me lemons but I did not know how to make lemonade.
Did that give you authority to make a fool out of me?No! I was young and naive, you took advantage of my age. To be quite frank I lacked life experience.
Inside of me lived a young, vibrant, ambitious and amazing woman however on the outside lived an old lacking life, determination and admiration woman. I became a "I'm old but young at heart kinda woman" fact of the matter is I was young damn you man, I was a teenager after all... I felt the way I did because of you. My feelings were a great contradiction to who I was.
From the day I met you, you changed how I actually looked at myself... Low self esteem?
Yes you created a woman I didn't know who lacked confidence so so much that she couldn't even walk on the streets with her head held high.
A stranger lived my life for me. A life I couldn't understand nor explain. The choices you made brought nothing but unbearable pain into my life. Your language of doing things was foreign to me, I did not understand it all.
The only language that was friendly to me was tears... I cried like an unstoppable train but that changed nothing, you just kept on making your selfish decisions to an extend that I couldn't even look myself in the mirror because deep down I knew that what I saw wasn't the real me... Yes something died in me that I couldn't even take care of my own looks anymore.
You walked into my life, awaken my feelings just to break me into pieces and left me bleeding internally and no one I mean nobody noticed or knew that I was dying inside slowly and slowly. Yes you killed and buried my inner being.
You stripped all of me out of me and left me figuratively naked.
Inside out...
YOU ARE READING
Letters to my Ex
RandomThese are letters to my ex. I'm just reflecting on the past and how our love journey turned me into a wonderful woman.