The Sackler Trap

Lead Me Not...

The wooden walkway which led down to the beach from Sharon's back patio was weathered and water stained and creaked pleasantly under my feet. A cool breeze from the bay loosened some of my hair from its twist. I could have enjoyed all these details had my heart not been beating wildly and my hands trembling. I reached the end of the walkway and leaned against one of the railings. The night was lit by a full moon, so we weren't in complete darkness as the house was lost from sight this far down the beach.

Adam, his hands in his pockets joined me, his eyes avidly running up and down me as if he was memorizing my every detail. I crossed my arms and faced him.

"You look very beautiful tonight," he said.

It was not the thing I had expected to hear him say first thing. It disarmed me and he knew it, damn him. I swallowed and looked away in annoyance. "Thanks," I said through gritted teeth. "But I'm sure that's not what you wanted to be alone to tell me."

He took a step towards me and I took a step back, forcing a calm coolness I did not feel. My drama coaches would have applauded me. The only problem was the unyielding rail at the small of my back.

"Julie what do I have to do?"

I shook my head. "You've done...enough." I threw my hands out. "I mean, do you think I'm enjoying this?"

"No," he replied promptly. "Neither am I."

"You'll get over it."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to get over it, Julie. I want you back. I want to go back to the way we were." He looked at me with an almost fanatical gleam in his eyes, his emotions rising. "I fucked up but, goddamn it, Julie you are making me fucking crazy. I want to call you, I want to come over and see you and I can't..."

"I don't want someone I can't trust, Adam," I declared, my heart breaking into pieces as I rejected him again. "You've broken my trust and you've manipulated..."

"Jesus, Julie...is this what you do?" he broke in. "You hang on to shit forever? Even though you and I both know you don't want to? How fucked is that?"

My mouth dropped at his audacity...and clarity. "You have a lot of nerve...and you're making a ton of assumptions about me! If I wanted to be in a relationship, which I don't, it wouldn't be with a self-centered, manipulative ass."

His face blanched. "I didn't know you could be cruel, Julie."

I stuck out my chin. "Do you deny you're any of those things?"

He gestured to me. "You're in denial too. The only reason you're acting this way is because you're too proud to admit I hurt your ego." He backpedaled when he saw my face and put up his hands defensively. "And I'm sorry for that, Julie, but..."

I gawked at him. "God, even your apologies are backhanded, Adam!"

"Julie, you know what I mean." His eyes searched mine in the dark and then he played his last card. "You said you were in love with me."

My lower lip trembled, and a wave of heat washed over my face. How could he throw that up at me now? Especially when he didn't reciprocate? I pushed off from the rail and started to walk back up the path to the house.

"Well forgive me for being the impulsive immature little bitch that I am!" I shouted over my shoulder.

I could hear Adam's footsteps behind me and then his hand grabbed my arm and swung me around, slamming me into his massive chest. Before I knew what was happening, he took my face in his hands and paused for a second, as if giving me a chance to stop him. I didn't.