Nitty Gritty 🙄😌 , am i ??

Manikarnika ghat

We reached the Manikarnika ghat.
I could see cadavers being burnt. I could see ashes being poured into gangaji.
Last rites of a little boy were happening right next to me. He seemed like a 4/5 year old. I could not hold myself up.
I could see a woman a lil far from where I was staring at the little boy with teary eyes, with the facial resemblance I could see that she was indeed the little boy's mother. I did not have any idea about what situation I was in or where I was but my heart just told me to go to her and just embrace her.

I summoned her. Before even I could even speak a word, she gave me a hug.
A warm hug , she held me tight. She didn't speak a word yet I could sense the pain within. She cried and I let her do so.
I was with her since 2 hours. Till then she did not speak a word and I was standing besides her all the time because there was no one with her and I guess her son was all she had.

I was struggling myself to hold up my tears. The sorrow I had in my heart since 4 years of losing my best friend and seeing this child's body burn in front of me. I was feeling dizzy. But today I had to keep my self strong not for me but for this mother who just lost her baby.
I swore myself not to shed even a single tear in front of her. The struggle was real I must say I could hardly breathe.
That strong smell of incense sticks and ashes was just making me loose control .
I felt weak. I felt like why do I exist? Why do I need to see this ? Is this necessary?
I'd just got out of that 4 year old memory and now all of a sudden I landed into it yet again with a thud.
But I bundled it all up inside me and just stood by the lady.

"I'm Sadhana"
After 2 hours she finally spoke up.
"Twisha"
I said
"He is the only one I had in life. I'm sorry I mean he was".
She said with a sob.
She could hardly speak with a stutter.

I could feel the withering pain inside her because I've had that too. For now I holded her hand a patted it gently.
I did not feel words were necessary to soothe her so it was better of me to just lessen up words.

"I'm a Hindu Brahmin , fell in love with a Parsi guy. Families did not agree so we got married and our families abandoned us. My husband was an army man. 2 months before my son was born, he died.
My son 'Achyut' was all I had. He was my family".
She sighed in grief

I wanted to talk to her about what was my condition for past 4 years and what all I had felt and faced but no words came out of my mouth. And finally I cried. My tears knew no bounds.
The sun was about to set.
The only light after sun I could see was the "Agnisanskaar".

"No one leaves us permanently"
Shiv said
Me and Sadhana di we both looked at Shiv.
"A part of their soul lives through you. Just be happy that the person existed.
Just keep on remembering them with all their good deeds and moments of happiness. Be happy that the person now lives inside you. The person will now live through you. You got this chance to live Their life with yours"
Said Shiv

I knew he said was true but I just couldn't hold myself. It was difficult for me to bundle up. I said there , so did Sadhana di.

The sun had set. Everything was dark around. I was not in my senses.
The view had a strong impact on me.
So many people die and leave this world .
I had never experienced another man's pain before in my life.
I felt it for the first time.

"I will take your leave now"
Said Sadhana di.

"And you young man , are absolutely right. Who says I lost my little boy. He'll live through me. Thankyou."
Said that with teary eyes and a smile on her face, Sadhana di left

"Chale ab"
That's all Shiv said.
"Where are the other 3??"
I asked
"They left hours ago"
Shiv replied.

There was an uneasy silence in the air yet it brought some peace of mind....
Om Namah Shivaay 🙏🏻🙏🏻