September m.c.

nineteen

Although it was blatant that Michael was tired, he kept talking to me. I didn't mind; I wasn't very tired and I liked when Michael spoke. Especially when he rambled on about irrelevant things because I liked to hear his thoughts and listen to his deep voice.

"...but it ended up just being a black shopping cart and not an animal." I couldn't help, but laughing loudly at his uncanny story that was really stupid, but made me happy anyway.

"Ah, jeez," Michael said when his phone began to buzz on my night stand. I didn't know he even put his phone there, but I picked it up and handed it to him.

"Luke," I read the name that lit up his screen with a funny picture of a guy with blond hair with a lip ring whose lips were stretched across his face in a bizarre way.

"Ugh, what do you want?" Michael asked in mock disgust. I tried to remember what Michael had ever said about Luke, but the only thing that stuck out in my mind was that he lived next to Michael's dad.

"Wow, two hours later," Michael scoffed. "It's cool. I know it was late...Oh, I'm good now. I'm with Violet, actually."

He rolled his eyes and looked at me. "Luke says hi."

I muttered a small hi and laughed.

"Shut up," Michael grumbled and I wondered what was being said. "I don't plan on it...Yeah, I might come back for a visit, but you're all dicks so..." Michael laughed a dorky laugh and said goodbye to Luke who shouted something through the phone before Michael hung up on him.

He laughed to himself before reaching over me and setting the phone back on the stand. It was silent after Michael settled back under the covers, facing me as I looked to the ceiling. I could tell that he was looking at me and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking of all the other times we had spent in this room last year like I was? Part of me wanted to cuddle up with him and fall into a deep sleep, but that would be the wrong thing to do. If I were to cuddle with anyone, it would be Alex. So instead, I opted to talk to him and being the stupid person that I was, I chose a touchy subject.

"I know it's hard for you to talk about it, but you can tell me about your mom when you're ready. You can tell me anything." My voice was barely a whisper because I didn't want to anger him, but I wanted him to know that he didn't have to hide things form me.

"How about I just tell you in a super vague way?" He bargained.

"That sounds annoying and frustrating. Go for it."

"Okay, first off, I lied to you. I didn't leave because my friend wasn't doing too well. It was because my mom had to...deal with something and she needed me. It wasn't the first time that something like that had happened which is why I left without telling you. I shouldn't have even tried to be friends with you, Violet, because chances were that I would have to leave. I knew it the whole time, but I talked to you anyway. I shouldn't even be here now because it might happen again, but I'm a sucker for you and couldn't stay away."

I stared at him wide eyed and couldn't seem to process his words fast enough. His mom wasn't doing well last year; not his friend. Ideas of what he and his mom could have went through flashed through my mind: did she have health problems, family problems, what kind of problems? I didn't know just how in the dark I was before now. It's happened before and he admitted that it could happen again. He just confirmed my fear that I was a complete idiot.

"Why did you come back if you knew you could potentially leave again?" I tried to sound angry, but the hurt was evident in my voice.

"Because this time felt different. She did really well in the past year and she was ready to get over what happened, but I don't know what happened. I came home tonight from work and this...friend of her's was sitting on our couch." He looked utterly angry when he said this, but he also looked incredibly disappointed.

"Who was it?" I asked, even though I knew he would give me a generalized answer.

"It was someone she shouldn't be involved with, but she was acting like everything was okay. I got pissed and didn't know where to go, so I drove around for a few hours before I couldn't take it anymore and went to you."

"Is your mom okay?" I demanded. He seemed really distraught about it and although I knew little to no details, I worried about just how serious this situation really was. He nodded, but something in his downcast eyes told me that either she wasn't okay or he wasn't okay.

"I'm scared. I don't want her to get bad again," Michael said carefully. He was cautious to not let anything slip out of his mouth that he wished to keep secret. Maybe the reason he didn't want to tell me what was really going on with his mom could be found in the tone of voice. He always sounded ashamed when he talked about her and it baffled me because I couldn't understand what would be so bad that he could tell me about it. He had to have known that I would never do anything to hurt him, even if I tried. I just wanted to help him and his mom in anyway that I could; as long as it would take away the hurt that was constantly etched into his face.

I brought up my hand from the confines of the blankets and placed it on his jaw, tilting his head up so he could look me in the eyes. "You know I'm here only to help. I won't make you regret telling me anything. I'll only try to help you, I promise."

He hesitated for a moment and I thought that maybe he would tell me everything that's weighing him down, but then he sighed and leaned into my palm as if it were the last time he would feel my touch. "I know you will, Violet, but this isn't something you should get dragged into. I'll tell you when I absolutely have to."

"What if it's too late?" I whispered.

"I'll never consider anything to be too late. There's always an exception."

And then Michael Clifford kissed me and I didn't feel bad about it. I didn't feel stupid for letting him do that even with the chance of him uprooting himself from my life. I didn't feel ashamed that I was kissing someone who wasn't Alex, but I didn't want to dwell on that. I wanted nothing more than to savor the feel of Michael's mouth on mine; his arms draped over my waist; his fingers dippng into the waistband of my shorts, pushing for more, and I let him. I wanted him in the most intimate way possible depite the risks associated with him. I'd take them all.

Maybe I would have hell to pay in the morning, but it was a consequence I was willing to suffer through.