𝙳𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝙿𝙾𝙽𝚄𝙼 » 𝚂𝚂/𝚁𝙻

{𝐜𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝐬𝚒𝚡 » 𝐰𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜}

< 5 MONTHS, 1 DAY >

Severus finishes the potion on the first day that the brumal air isn't so sharp anymore.

He incorporates the eventual ingredient, standing back and watching it with a reserved darkness in his eyes. He beholds it with dread; dread and a sense of wasted time.

After all this waiting and anticipating an outcome, he knows it isn't principled or fair to him or Lily. What he has concocted to perfection is not moral or natural. He knows it will only bring more problems if used in the way he had originally intended.

He began this project to try to hold onto something that was already gone. He has the potion now, not wanting its objective.

He has to get rid of it.

He takes out his notes, leaving the effect column of his recipe blank. He may never know if it works. He may never know if it's right. But it's worth it to him to have the full closure of letting go. If he claims to have moved on yet keeps the potion, he would be lying. He knows what it's for. He knows what it's supposed to do.

He snatches the vial from the surface of his desk. He rushes out of the dungeons as subtly as he can manage, sneaking out of the ground floor doors and into the courtyard. The dark gray sky awaits above him. He looks up and feels it. The wind is strong and warm. The clouds are thick with the promise of approaching rain.

He uncovers the top of the decanter. He begins to pour, but stops.

Memory. Strength. Calmness. Healing.

Those are the effects of the constituents consolidated into the contents of this container. Using the right intentions, the right mixing, Severus realizes that this combination could be used for something kinder. He could give it to Remus. Yes, he could give it to Remus with his Wolfsbane. Everything together could help relieve the discomfort of lycanthropy. It could balance out the post-shifting malaise, and the pain of the shift itself. He smirks down at it. Perhaps there is a new purpose in his hands.

Nothing can bring Lily Evans Potter back to life, and that is alright. He'd rather her rest in peace than be plagued by his tampering; she was plagued enough by him in life as it was. But the idea that the potion could be used for something contrastive, something to aid those around him other than his own self, sparks something within him akin to comfort. The cause could be something with a backbone, a basis. A purpose that's good. Perhaps it can help to cancel out the terrible things he's done; the terrible things he'll do.

He takes solace in the resignation that he's right for not trying it in the way he had planned. Things change. Always.

Keeping the recipe in mind and promising himself that he will remake it to fit Lupin's needs, Severus tips the vial and pours his creation into the damp spring soil. He puts the empty container into one of his many robe pockets and turns away.

But a light glows behind him as he does, and it makes him belay his footing.

Whirling back around, he faces the ground where the potion was discarded. There, in the grass, has grown the stem and perfected petals of a lily.

Realization hitting him, he stares at the flower in shock.

He intended for the potion to keep a Lily alive. And, in a sense, it's done just that.

He watches it for a long while, and then he laughs.

He laughs for the first time in quite too long, his shoulders shaking as he watches the glowing plant grow out of the grass. The potion worked against him just as his spell did, and still it knew what it was doing the whole time. And it was worth it.

He turns away from it, a complacent leer across his lips. He leaves the lily there to soak up the moonlight in peace, and makes another mental note to send the potion recipe to Professor Sprout as well.

He returns to his office and falls asleep. He dreams of Remus, with Remus, and he dreams of kindness and rain and spring, and the colors of all Lupin's sweaters knitted beautifully into one. It's the first time he's fully slept since October.

Remus dreams with him on the porch and braids lilies into his hair.