Life is like a card game and I hate what I've been dealt
So fuck all of my emotionsImma place 'em on a shelf-SadBoyProlific (Bad Habits)
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I close my eyes and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for hearing his voice. Unlike most people who go through grief, I didn't call his number millions of times to hear his voice again through voicemail. I didn't need to, especially in the first few months; I always heard it in my head. I heard it so much I wished I'd forget it. Until I did. Then, I prayed it would haunt me again. I wanted to call over, over, and over again. But I couldn't, I was too scared that it would put me back in square one and I'd have to greif him all over again when I had barely gotten over him. Hearing it now though, it was the cruelest form of torment.
"Serena?"
I exhale the calm breath I held in. He didn't change his number. If I had just called, maybe I would've figured it out faster, maybe I could've found out about him earlier.
"I'm calling in regards to the deal," I asserted, fighting to keep my voice firm and emotionless.
"Thought so..." his voice drifted off in disappointment. I almost laughed in anger. Why the fuck else would I ever want to call you?
Before I could say anything, he continued, "Listen, I know you are mad at me but we have to talk about it eventually," he breathed.
I clutched my phone harder in my palm, feeling my heart tear at his pleading tone. "There is nothing left to talk about," I assured.
The damage is already done.
"Yeah?" he scoffed, "How about the fact that you left the country and became what? The world's deadliest assassin?" he mocked in anger, " The fact that you changed into a whole different person I can't even recognize you? Or, maybe the fact that you became like him. Don't even attempt to lie about it, I saw your eyes Serena." Blake fumed.
Silence. I stayed silent while rage filled me and coarsed my veins until it ate up the last of control and patience I had. His words hurt so fucking deeply I felt my heart clutch itself, fending off the pain. He had the ability to hurt me like no other; I was so sensitive to his opinion of me because for a long time he was all that mattered, and because he knew me better than anyone.
You know he's right.
You became just
Like
Him.
I swallow down the crushing lump in my throat. "You don't have the right to question me, Blake. If you've seen my eyes, then you know that you do not know me anymore. That makes you as unsafe as anybody else." I threatened because, even if I would hesitate to follow through, he did not need to know that.
