No matter how numb you are, You will always feel the pain. They just won't get a reaction from you Anymore. -RA
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After having a loathsome nightmare, I forced myself up and off my bed knowing my sleep has once again been stripped away from me. I stagger to my bathroom, getting in the shower fully clothed like no sane person would. I turned the water to the hottest it could get, satisfied by the way it burnt the feeling of the nightmare off my skin. I don't strip until I'm completely soaked and feel weighed down by my clothes. My head was so clogged up and I needed to think. There was so much to think about.
Today is the annual ball yet somehow, that wasn't what drew anxiety to my bones. It was the fact that he was going to be there, and that I would have to face him. To say I would be delighted to never have to see him for the rest of my life would be an understatement. I also have to face Blake again whilst still possessing the urge to kill him. And God, don't get me started on my brother. I'm going to have to face him at the ball too.
I massage whatever shampoo I've managed to pour on my hair into my skull yet my fingers never seemed to get to that little itch inside my head.
I know what to expect of my father, I know what to expect of Blake, I know what to expect of Nico too. But Xavier? I have no idea what to expect from that man, if anything. That leaves me insecure and I hate that. Unlike the others, he seems to know how to remain stoic and inscrutable. So far, the only emotion his psychotic ass showed me was anger.
Not that I'm much better.
I step out of the shower, drying myself off and squeeze the water out of drenched clothes before throwing them in the laundry basket. My eyes skip the sight of the mirror that I had thrown in the far corner of the bathroom. The shattered glass and fist imprint mark one of my many mental breakdowns. I secure a towel around my body and walk out from another door in the bathroom that is connected to my closet.
Once I'm done getting dressed, I check the time. It's 7am and I woke up at 5am. I groan, it is so fucking early. The house is silent, faint sounds of birds chirping fill my room through my open window and I stop to listen for a little bit. Soon, I feel myself relaxing to their sounds. A small secret smile crawls up on my face as I walk downstairs, passing by an empty living room and finally reaching the kitchen. My first step was to raid the cabinets for cereal, which I couldn't find any by the way, then moved on to the fridge where I ended up pulling out eggs and cheese. I got some toast as well and began cooking. I left some for Tess and by the time I was done, I had already washed the dishes and went through my phone.
Shuffling noises come from behind me and I turn around to see Tess in her pjs rubbing the sleep off her eyes as she comes towards me and wraps me in a sleepy hug. Since I'm sitting on a high stool, her head only reaches my shoulder as her arms loosely wrap around my waist. Though I hate affectionate gestures, or really just being touched, I could never refuse my best and only friend's affection. She is the only person I allow to be this close to me and the only person who's affection I accept. And where I hated it, I knew she loved it.
