Better than me.[bowers gang]

Chapter five: remembering

•WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND HARM, VULGAR LANGUAGE•

Henry couldn't sleep. His eyes stayed glued to the wall as he clutched the sleeves that covered his hands. His eyes welled up and small tear droplets formed along his lash line. He was numb to everything. No one knew but Henry always broke down when he went home. The boy began to shake and the tears spilled down his splotchy cheeks. He was petrified. He wasn't okay with the thought of liking his best friend. He didn't. He never could. The bruise on the side of his face was much more visible now, his father had hit him this morning. Henry didn't tell anyone that his dad hit him. He thought it was just rough love and it didn't mean anything. The poor kid didn't know anything different. Henry let out a sigh and he closed his eyes. He opened them a few seconds later and began staring at the wall again, blinking every few seconds. His vision was starting to blur a bit from the tears. "I won't cry in front of anyone." He thought to himself. "I'm a baby. I'm fucking pathetic." He said that out loud this time. His self hate grew larger each day. His father didn't help it either. He always put Henry down and picked at him for everything. Henry's tough identity isn't how he really is. No one sees real Henry. Don't think they ever will. The real Henry was a ghost, all everyone knew was sociopathic crazed Henry. That was it. This macho man of a figure that everyone feared. that was his cover up. It was simply a mask. Henry started remembering something that happened a few months ago. The one time his dad really hurt him. That was carved into Henry forever, along with Patrick Hockstetter's initials. Except this one was mentally there instead of physically. That was the day Henry was beat bloody and broke two of his ribs. The thought only burned through him brighter. It was burning him and his memory. That's all he could think about. The tears spilled quicker, falling like waterfalls now. Henry hated when he felt this way. He always tried to feel numb but the emotions would push and push and push until he let them out. Most of his memories weren't good. 90% of them were traumatic and imprinted forever. Henry missed his mom sometimes. Other times he forgot she existed. He was gonna turn 17 soon. That would make it 10 years since she ran away. He used to love his mom. She was compassionate and had a strong love for her boy. After the incident, she had to go. She couldn't risk taking Henry with her in fear of his dad finding him. Henry remembers that last touch he got from his mother. She placed a hand on the side of his face and told him it was gonna be okay. Henry remembers his mother's blue eyes, they were so bright. He got his eyes from her. He liked that trait about himself. Henry tried to clutch that last memory with his mother tightly, at times it hurt too much to think about. Henry felt defeated and abandoned. Henry wished someone loved him. All he wants is for someone to love him. His whole life he's had almost nothing. He was getting desperate and losing his sanity as time went on. To cover up his own pain, he would torment the losers and drive them into pure fear.

Henry ended up crying himself to sleep that night. His alarm for school went off the next morning. The boy groaned and begrudgingly pulled himself up out of bed, still wearing the flannel from the night before. His first thought was to take a shower, so he did. He tried to not look at his body as he was ashamed of it. He slowly turned off the water and stepped out. Wrapping the towel around him and looking at his reflection in the mirror. The bruise on his face was a mix of dark purples and blues. He hung his head in shame as he quickly got dressed for school. He put the flannel back on, hopefully none of the boys would notice it was Patrick's. If they did, he'd be teased. He thought about that for a bit. "Should I even wear this.?? Will Patrick think I'm insane?? The boys might think I'm a fucking sugar gay.. let's just hope they don't. I can snap at them at whatever time." That thought stayed as he walked out of the bathroom and was about to walk out the door. Henry's father grabbed the back of his shirt collar and yanked him backwards. "Who's is this. I don't remember getting you it." He hissed into Henry's ear. Henry tensed up and gave a quick response. "It's n..no ones.. ive had.. it." He quivered. "Oh you have? why don't I recognize it then. I recognize the shirt but not the flannel. Did you sleep around with another boy again? Huh?" His tone was sour and Henry knew this wouldn't end well. "n.. no s..sir. It's mine.. I.. i.. promise." His voice was shaky as he kept up the pitiful lie to spare himself from the abuse if he answered honestly. His father didn't say a word more and simply let go of his shirt collar. He pushed his son away from him and walked into the next room.

Henry was shaking, He clutched the sleeves of the flannel again. He wanted to cry but held it together. The boy exited his house and shut the door behind him letting out a sigh of relief. Henry was greeted by belchs car as he walked down the driveway, Belch had already picked up victor and Patrick, as usual. Henry was tired today and wanted to sit in the back, which wasn't something he did often. He walked over to the car window and tapped on it so belch could roll it down, he proceeded to roll it down and Henry began to speak. "One of you dickheads come sit up front, I'm tired and I just wanna sit in the back." Henry stated groggily. Within five seconds victor was already up front. You could tell he was enthusiastic to be up front. Henry proceeded to get in the back and sit next to Patrick. He scooted kinda far away from the lanky boy and pressed himself up against the door. He didn't wanna seem clingy, if anything he wanted to seem uninterested. Belch pulled away from Henry's driveway and began driving to school. Patrick slowly looked over at Henry and realized he had on the flannel from the night before. Henry turned his head and caught eyes with Patrick. Those few seconds were silent. Patrick moved closer to Henry and whispered to him. "You can always lean on my shoulder if you're tired, just an offer though." Henry looked at him with sleepy eyes and just nodded. Belch and victor didn't hear this small conversation as the radio was on and they were both distracted. Henry rested his head on Patrick's shoulder and felt himself start to drift off. He didn't get much sleep the night before so this would definitely give him a little help. Henry liked and hated being this close to Patrick. His shoulder was pretty comfortable so it was a win win but he also needed to hate his guts because if he didn't he would be called gay. Patrick just looked down at his own legs and tried to not pay attention to Henry, even if he really wanted to just be affectionate. But he wasn't allowed to do that. Patrick wouldn't be able to bring up the quarry OR the junkyard since he promised Henry he wouldn't if he admitted what he did. that would make it kinda lame but Patrick always found something new to tease Henry about. He didn't mean it though, it was all for jokes and if it seriously made Henry upset he would stop.

Belch ran over a speed bump causing Henry to jump awake, it also scared him a bit. He jolted forward and let out a "AH FUCK!" In a startled voice. Patrick jumped a bit since he didn't expect Henry to yell. "Jesus Christ man, chill out we just went over a speed bump." Patrick chided. "Shut up bitch boy." Henry growled and shoved Patrick to the other side of the car. "Don't touch me you knife freak!" Patrick bickered back. "Oh can it you d-" Henry was interrupted by belch. "Hey hey hey you girls gonna stop fighting or do I have to stop the car?" Belch glanced at them in the rear view mirror. Patrick rolled his eyes and looked out the window. Henry just had to blab on. "quit acting like you're our mom. It's stupid." Henry snapped at him. "I act like your mom since you two act so god damn immature sometimes." Belch said as he focused his eyes back onto the road. "Ugh. Whatever." Henry snapped back again.