Trustfall || Sanders Sides Equestrian AU

Chapter 1 - A Heart's Trigger

Roman clenched his hands around the reins. Warm sweat caught between the leather and his skin and heated his palms like the sun boils the desert terrain. He shifted on the saddle with discomfort. It's funny, how your favourite thing in the whole wide world can become the most dreaded part of your day.

"Roman! Focus!" the voice of a woman barked.

Roman swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded blindly, his heart thudding in the struggle to match the pulse of the animal below him. It had been a while since their hearts last beat as one. His horse's stomach shifted at a rhythm against Roman's legs as his massive lungs swelled up and shrunk back repetitively under the saddle.

"Come on, buddy..." Roman almost didn't recognise his own voice when he spoke. "This used to be so easy for us."

 The horse shook his head, causing Roman to clench the reins harder at a reflex. He puffed through tight nostrils, clearly dissatisfied with his rider.

"Are you okay?"

Roman snapped his head up to meet his teammate's gaze. Patton gave him a worried glance that shot across the arena from a pair of round, brilliant eyes. Roman hesitated.

"I'm- I'm fine. Trigger is just not acting himself."

"Come on, Ro, you barely cleared three jumps the entire lesson."

Roman shook his head stubbornly. "I can do more. It's him who's being weird."

"Roman! Patton! Focus!"

Laura sure seemed to like saying that. His instructor tightened her ponytail, and the golden curls brushed her face for a brief moment. Roman pushed down the sense of dread that had his stomach in knots.

"Alright, bud, we got this. Just give me one decent jump and we're done for today, alright?"

He squeezed the horse's belly with perhaps a bit too much force; Roman couldn't tell through the mask of nervousness. Trigger barely had the time to trot before his rider sat and pushed him into a steady canter. His legs guided the horse towards the jump. It was a simple set of cross rails, barely a child's play. Why was Roman's throat closing up, then?

One stride. Two strides. Three. Four.

"Push his hindquarters outwards, Roman, you're losing him!" his instructor called. "You're not supporting him from the inside leg. His head is in the clouds, for God's sake, where is your outside rein?!"

Roman counted eight hesitant strides before the jump was suddenly before them, a little too early to his liking. Roman bit his lip as his hands tugged on the reins as though following their own will.

His bones rattled when his horse came to a sudden stop and backed away a couple of spooked steps as though the jump was about to hunt him down. Roman's heart jolted. A painful image of a memory he wished to forget flashed in his head, accompanied by a wave of unpleasant sensations; the terrified eyes of his trusty horse as the world shakes around them, the harsh ground as he crashes into it, the shocked bellows from the audience, pain exploding through every atom in his body.

Trigger let out a shrieking whinny that pierced through Roman's skull as though the same flashback screamed in his own head. Roman blinked; he was still sitting astride the horse, perfectly fine. It was getting a little easier to separate the flashbacks from reality. At his peripheral vision, Roman could catch a glimpse of Patton giving him a worried glance from the other side of the arena, and Logan looking the other way.

Laura pinched the bridge of her nose with clear frustration. "Alright, cool off, you guys. I think this should be enough for today."

Roman released a sigh and lengthened his reins, allowing Trigger to drop his head and stroll around the arena. He urged to get out of there, but he knew that if he doesn't walk him enough the horse would get sore, and honestly Roman didn't trust tomorrow's Roman to have the energy to deal with that. Oh, and of course, it would be unpleasant for Trigger. That too, he guessed.